Thank you Mahhhty. I thought I'd get a response of "stop thinking about H and GAL."
But I know that there are specific things setting him off and keeping him stuck. If I can at least not be contributing to those, not setting off his triggers, that could go a long way towards actually "giving him space" in a way. Emotional space, an emotional break, whatever. I can't go nc because we have kids and we are still technically married and supposedly trying to work it out.
I will watch carefully for the topics that set him off and stick to safe topics. Right now that seems to be his work, what's for dinner, and household projects. I think he is ok with the boys, but I get mixed signals there too.
My plan of exercising or cleaning instead of texting H is working well. I cleaned all 3 bathrooms today, did a little yard work, and one round of pushups. I can only do 8!
Heading out now to take S11 to counseling. I look like a slob from all the yard work but I am not changing because I have developed a crush on S's counselor and I want to discourage myself from "going there." Not that I think he'd reciprocate in any way, or that I would, but I need to take myself out of the mindset.
