Finally asking for help: 2

[Solo15]

You guys are so awesome. I've been really thinking about everything you said. It sparked a bunch of stuff in me about how to act with all this new change going on. We got together again last night and she was just incredible. I mean, wow. I am trying really hard to take it slow, but she is just being amazing. I've been smiling inside all day. Trying to make it like a new romance, but it's like an exponentially stronger set of feelings than what I've had before. I'm so much stronger than I ever have been in my life. My confidence is through the roof and I'm able to be so much more than I've been before. She gave me butterflies in my stomach. Can't remember the last time I felt like that. I tried to leave but she wouldn't let me. We wound up in bed together. I don't think I've ever felt more valued.

Anyway, I am trying to guard my heart. We are not back together officially. She's still got a ton to work through. I still don't know what the future holds, but every time we see each other, things get more and more healthy. More healing. More talks about what happened, who we are, what we have become as people. Our desires, our dreams. She keeps pulling me in. I have to be so careful. Keep focusing on my changes, working on a better me, GIL, detaching. Staying aloof. I found this kind of middle ground of self confidence and teasing punctuated by moments of flirty declarations of my love, huge desire and commitment to just her. Kind of like, I'm here and I'm yours if you want me, but I'm really desirable and fine on my own. Making it really hard on her. In a good way. It's a long road ahead, and I have to be so careful.

I could not have survived or gotten to this point without this forum and all of you who have been here for me. You all really have changed my life, and I am so grateful for you and your compassionate hearts.