Six to Nine

[mahhhty]

V - I would have thought so. But she is prideful, stubborn and passive. I have never seen remorse, and I see resentment in the emails still.

But then she reaches out to me more than I reach out to her.

This weekend was a good example. I had told her parents Friday AM when I dropped off the kids, that I would be away teaching my first whitewater instructional course (one of my goals, and it was really fun). And I would be leaving that night. Well, as luck would have it, she asked me to drop off some toys for the kids that they could have lived without. I dropped them off, and it was cordial. I ended up staying for about 40 min. Then Saturday during the day she sent me pictures of both kids and a text. She took the kids to the party store and they were trying on costumes, glasses, masks, etc. They had a really good time and she sent me some pictures.

She will reach out to me for these things, but yet she won't respond to my email request of getting together.

Furthermore, Friday AM, the kidney doctor called from the transplant office. I passed the initial screening test and the blood test. Now they would like me to come in and get an MRI, Ultrasound and a tissue test to see if I am a match. I spoke with the doctor about donating to my kids and not to her. She thought it was a bad idea, saying that my kidney will be much older than what the kids would require. It is a better idea to donate now if I am going to donate.

X doesn't know I was tested. If I was to do this, I have to fully commit to it. I have to be doing it only for my kids. Not for her, and with no expectations or arrangements.

This is by far my biggest test for compassion and selflessness. Donating an organ to the mother of my children, for my children. But also, donating an organ to a woman who does not love me, is resentful, doesn't not care about me or my future, and only will contact me when she needs something.

Very difficult. I'd like to know what people think.