I did not approach w about the situation telling the kids I didnt want to go. I know the kids knew it was not true. I had a pretty good weekend alone. Played a lot of golf with friends and went out both nights. It is very weird going out and seeing the single life. I really am not ready for that. I have no question that it will be fine abd not hard to meet people if i ever feel i want to do that again, but there is just so much i would rather be doing in life than running the singels scene. Over the past few days i have thought about a lot of different things i believe i want to try. I need to get batter at writing these down and incorporating into goals and actually do them.
Couple notes on the relationship. Spoke to the kids Saturday evening and D7 tells me that they are getting ready to eat dinner and stay with Aunt and uncle and mommy is going out to meet her cousins. This made me very angry. the kids dont really know these people as they are W aunt and uncle. they have seen them when they were babies but that was it. I told wife i did not agree with this as they dont really know them and if that was the plan she could have left them at home with me. I know the kids are very clingy at night and dont like being in strange places alone. I am sure W was not happy that i expressed my opinion, but i felt it needed to be said for moving forward into the separeation that she will not be leaving them with people while she goes out. I will be the one to take them if she cant wait for days she is not with them.
She went to meet with someone to draft the separation agreement this morning. I am very curious how this will turn out. SHe said the cost is 250.00 and she was in and out of the office in under a half hour. I am sure my atty will have a field day with this document. Anyway still hoping for the best, i am up and down feeling wise. I am limiting all communication at the moment and getting ready to go dark after the move.
As always welcome any feedback!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
also a little more positive or negative, depending how you look at it. kids were telling me all weekend that they miss me and want to come home. I was happy to hear this but also sad knowing the separation coming will cause more of these feelings. When they came home they were both stuck to me like glue telling me how much they love me and missed me. My D7 told me she was home sick and dadyysick. I thought that was funny. They are my life and i am so grateful that they want to be with me so much.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Couple notes on the relationship. Spoke to the kids Saturday evening and D7 tells me that they are getting ready to eat dinner and stay with Aunt and uncle and mommy is going out to meet her cousins. This made me very angry. uh oh...
the kids dont really know these people as they are W aunt and uncle. they have seen them when they were babies but that was it. I told wife i did not agree with this as they dont really know them and if that was the plan she could have left them at home with me. why would you say this? All it does is question your W's ability as a mother. Do you think she would possibly "see your side" and change her plans? From the way your worded it, couldnt she also have gone out after they were asleep? Were you SURE she left bedtime to aunt/uncle? What harm is there in running out once all the kids are in bed?
I know the kids are very clingy at night and dont like being in strange places alone. Do you think she doesnt know this? Are they really in any danger here? Do you distrust any of the people involved?
I am sure W was not happy that i expressed my opinion, but i felt it needed to be said for moving forward into the separeation that she will not be leaving them with people while she goes out. She...WONT? Or you dont want her to?
I will be the one to take them if she cant wait for days she is not with them. So youre planning to be the on-call babysitter? I dont think you want that...
Azz believe me i thought of your responses to everything. Maybe i need to a better job just letting things go. She did not wait until they were asleep, she left them to feed them and then to put them to bed. I am well aware that she knows how they are and that is the part that shocks me.
As far as she wont or i dont want her to. In the separation agreement there is first right of refusal on child care or babysitters. I am not saying that i will be available for everything, but i will take all the time i can with my children.
I really did think about everything you said and thought that route out as well, but i also felt i need to stand up for what i believe also. may have been wrong thing to do.
I really appreciate you making me rethink the other side of issues.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Azz believe me i thought of your responses to everything. Maybe i need to a better job just letting things go. She did not wait until they were asleep, she left them to feed them and then to put them to bed. I am well aware that she knows how they are and that is the part that shocks me.
As far as she wont or i dont want her to. In the separation agreement there is first right of refusal on child care or babysitters. I am not saying that i will be available for everything, but i will take all the time i can with my children.
I really did think about everything you said and thought that route out as well, but i also felt i need to stand up for what i believe also. may have been wrong thing to do.
I really appreciate you making me rethink the other side of issues.
Well, Im glad that you thought it out. My concern is that you started this by saying "I heard this and it made me angry, so then I...."
In the end, you werent going to change her mind right then. So why not wait until you arent angry anymore and have time to process things and decide whats best?
you are right about waiting. I did a good job of it when i wanted to say something about her telling the kids i didnt want to go, then this one i reacted. I think subconsciously it had a little to do with her going out as well. My mind races that she is out looking for the next everytime she goes out. Something i guess i still have not gotten over.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
have a question for everyone out there. i had a session with DB coach this morning and some of the recommendations he has is a little different than what we mostly hear on these boards. He is saying that NC is not what he recommends he thinks i should be able to show that i am a good friend and can build a relationship out of it. He thinks i should offer to help her with some things.
what are everyones thoughts on this?
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
i have considered this appraoch many times and feel i kind of ben this way and now she is getting ready to move out. maybe i should be this way only when she contacts me? let her initiate everything? he said that if i am coming across cold, why would she want to come back to me. I did explain to him the dynamic of when we first got together the fact i did not chase her even though i really wanted her and that drew her to me. He said that is good to repeat, but still be there for her like she was a sister and you would offer and do things for her.
Very confusing to try and figure this out.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
W just asked if we can talk to the kids tonight. She may start moving things this weekend. Mind is racing. I am so anxious right now. I wanted to ask her a thousand questions and say something or anything. This is awful
I am so scared for my kids reaction.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
