Avanti, thank you so much for taking the time to read my thread and advise me. It's much appreciated. And I like your blunt approach.
You asked what I'm using from the DR book, here's what I'm doing: I stopped the moping, begging etc and am now upbeat and happy when he's around. Things that would have made me nag before, I ignore. I'm exercising, I'm reading books about how to change certain habits and become the best version of myself that I can be. I'm keeping track of my budget and am being more conservative when it comes to spending money. I'm GAL'ing.
I guess I felt like my situation was different, well because like you said he travels for many months at a time. I also told him to leave before I started reading DR and it seems many people still live together. The main thing though, is that we haven't ever really been happy in our marriage, so he's not suddenly gonna remember "the good ol' times". We we're extremely happy up until we left our country (him first).
We're very compatible, which makes it even more difficult to accept, but I worry that too much time has passed etc. In the book Michelle mentions people being blindsided because they thought they were in a happy marriage - I was blindsided despite knowing things weren't really working. The woman he is in love with isn't just some floozy either. She sounds like a good woman and they seem to have a lot in common. What works against them is that she lives in a different state and has a couple of kids, so she can't really take off and leave. That means they can't see each other very often, which will probably just keep the relationship fun and fresh - less likely to tire of each other.
I find myself sometimes being grateful for this happening. I'm happy that I'm given an opportunity to become a better person, I don't want to be this little scared troll always hiding behind my H. I'm finally going to be more independent.
I know my thoughts can affect my reality, so I try to reign it in and be positive. That will take a lot of work. I need to start meditating. If anyone has some good ideas on getting started, please let me know. I have plenty of books, audio books on the subject. It's more actually DOING it I'm struggling with, haha.
