You wrote: It's pretty hard to see his changes now that we're not living together anymore.
Still all about time and temperature. If he makes overtures to you you can still check his demeanor when he does so...is he clearly giving you space and respectful of your concern and need to protect yourself emotionally? I would think he would demonstrate that or maybe even address it directly without getting upset that you don't take his word for it.
When the time seems right, you could also maybe ask him a question like, "Looking back, what do you think about the temper tantrums and my concern about them?"
I would think the response someone would want would demonstrate contrition/remorse/regret, total acceptance of responsibility, total acknolwedgement of how destructive/hurtful/unacceptable it is for an adult much more a husband and father.
Pres. Reagan used to say, "Trust, but verify". For myself I realized that I needed to verify with my actions before there was any possibility of my wife trusting me with her feelings again. Even though it seems like she has chosen not to, it was totally worth it even though I haven't gotten the response from her that I want.
