With pple like these around him, there is no impetus for him to ever want to change.
You mean to change quickly.
Change will come given enough time.
Most affairs burn out.
There seems to be trouble in paradise. It appears that OW has given him pressure/ ultimatums too. But OW knows everything that I have done wrong in the marriage, and she is a smart woman. Me, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and put my foot in mouth. All the wrong body parts at all the wrong places!
I don't dare to harbour any hope about him changing. It seems that after the first outburst, nothing has changed. For me, I tried to do everything by myself so that I won't have to bother him but turns out that that didn't work too. For him to want to change, he has to realise that the grass isn't greener on the other side, and that his part of the communication dynamics has to change as well.
Just recently, XH, kid and I were having dinner together. Kid was playing around with and not finishing the food on the plate. I chided Kid, " Hey you cheaterbug, I saw that! You pushed the food around to make it seem like you've eaten more than what you had."
XH tensed and for a moment, I froze, before I realised what part of the conversation he was reacting to. It was an "Oh Cr@p!" moment but thank goodness we were in public.
So here's the reality now, not only is he angry with me for provoking him, he is also angry with me for causing the affair. And it's unintentional things/comments like that annoys him. He allows them to fester in him before he blows up.
For the M to work the second time round, we really have to find ways not to have to walk on eggshells around each other.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
But OW knows everything that I have done wrong in the marriage, and she is a smart woman. Me, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and put my foot in mouth. All the wrong body parts at all the wrong places! 
