Hi Claire! I've been following along and also have MIL issues. If I were you I'd hit this straight on in a very diplomatic way. If u say no bc u are sick today, your message is clear to them: YES but not today. It's easier if you say no, i want D to start thinking of your house as hers too just as you do so its important from the start for her to spend your days at your place. And just as important for "his" days to be a break for you to have some space all to yourself, for respite. If youre hosting, providing meals for and cleaning up after your d AND your MIL then youre not getting needed reapite. That is reasonable and they do not have to agree or like your position.
I speak from some experience. I put my kids first and wanted them comfortable in their own home, and thus in years they have not seen or know where their dad lives, and when i come home from my respite (which means packing and leaving) i have him to clean up after as well as my kids. I resent it but bc my h is abusive and cruel i havent wanted to insist on any more time with him than necessary. I say dont do what i did, and establish an expectation that he completely parent his kids, in his home, when its his time. Not be or arrange for a sitter in your house.
But good luck to you whatever you decide is right for you. I'll be thinking of ya.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
