Whilst I'm accepting of my situation and can even see how I'm better off in a lot of ways, I struggle with a sense of injustice which I know I need to move beyond. She has got everything her way and yet still won't accept any responsibility or even recognise the hurt she caused me and the kids (or even admit that she has done anything less than perfect). Not in front of me anyway.
Jim, a lot of us struggle with this. My STBX says he's sorry I got hurt without taking any responsibility whatsoever for his actions that caused the hurt. It's like saying sorry my leg's broken without mentioning you were the one who ran me over with a truck. But I choose to believe it's the best he can offer up right now. It's possible that your W does feel some regret, and just can't say so.
Originally Posted By: jim0987
I think the other part is that I did more than enough wrong in the relationship to cite in the divorce paperwork (given how low the bar is) without her needing to make stuff up, some of which is just offensive to me - and I mean properly offensive to me and the kind of person I think I am. I can be pretty negative about myself at times (which are getting far fewer by the way) so that in itself says something.
She's doing this to make herself feel better, to try and make herself look better to others. It doesn't matter. Just recognize it for what it is.
I try to view my STBX as doing the best he can with the tools and resources at his disposal right now. He's uncomfortable expressing his emotions, never could stand it when I tried to do it, his communication tools are limited. When I view him that way, it makes it easier for me. What do you think about viewing your W that way, Jim? Would that help you?
