TL2, I was very touched reading your post. You sound like you've come a long way. I wish my XH can read your post, but of course he will not and he should not. Your sitch sounds very similar to my sitch.
One of the reasons why I had become emotionally detached from the marriage a few years ago was that I couldn't deal with his emotional detachment and his anger. But the irony is that before his latest outburst, I really thought that things were getting better as I could see the effort he was putting in. Which was why I really couldn't understand the reason for his outburst. And I was scared and confused.
Anything triggered your AHA moment?
Complicating the matter further is the presence of the OW. XH says that he only started with her after I served the papers. But I also know that they were planning to get married right after the divorce.She was willing to give him another kid, even though she already has 2 of her own, and isn't really very young anymore. I later realised that that was why he didn't agree to an abatement although he knew that there many things on my plate at the same time and I needed to breather.
There is no need for XH to change. He has options. And that option, plus some of his family, has always assured him that he is not the violent person I said he is. Now, I have never said that he is violent person. I separated the man from his actions and knew that he and I needed help in the dynamics of our relationship.
XH has confided in the OW every damn thing about our marriage, including the restraining order. And the OW tells him that he is not like that. Hello???? She was in the background when he was screaming at me and comparing me to prostitutes (for the record, I came out worse) and she told him that he is a gentle person.
With pple like these around him, there is no impetus for him to ever want to change.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
