WAS or what (2)

[roist]

Thanks Mowgli.

I'm afraid I have more than enough insight into what I am facing. If we count the time I worried about M and did nothing due to depression and now a full year of struggling to stand for what I believe, it is getting long and that is taking it's tole.

W does not seem any closer to leaving but not closer to me either. We hear all about this being a Marathon and not a sprint. I get that. We also hear after months of effort that we are only at the beginning of our situation.I would like some of the vets to chip in and tell me their reading of my situation.

The dynamics are changing in that I am pulling away from W. I think that I am doing so without being cold. I am starting to not want to be aroundW. It just isn't fun being with someone like this. My half of the dynamics are changing, but W is pretty consistent with how she is. Without mind reading too much I think she just doesn't want to be with me and that is nit likely to change. Maybe that is me just accepting things or giving up hope but I find it hard to see anything changing this.

I am still of two minds about anniversary next week. A big part of me says do nothing for it. It was not a year worth celebrating and she is not in our M. Another part would like to do something small. I know I should do what I want but just need to decide that.

Just over a week until I fly home for a week.That will be good.

Apart from work, when I am doing stuff esp with others I don't thiink about this situation, or almost not at all. So GAL does help.

I have had some meetings to inform myself on my options should I decide to stop my business.Happy with how they went. I'll decide after my trip on whatis best going forward but current thinking is to get a permenent job is best option.Ii'll probably outline more on this anothertime but this is a huge step. But it shows that I am truly assessing all aspects of my life to find best way forward.

Thanks for reading