I will add I've had a better R with my kids than ever. YET- 9 months ago I lost my temper. S and D were fighting, and I lost my cool. Son locked himself in the bedroom. I forced the door open with my shoulder. He was scared. I was yelling.
I cooled down quickly. We talked through it. I acknowledged that I was human and that while this wasn't the way I should act, I couldn't promise never to do it again. But I DID promise that I would never hurt him. We talked about it. He has his own challenges.
And you know what? We have a great R. He loves me, I love him, we can get upset now and then and it's ok.
And you know what else? My D was 10 times more angry than I was. He didn't beat me, but he did believe in spanking, and did that in a rage a few times. I WAS scared of my dad - ***WHEN HE WAS MAD***. But I loved him, never thought anything of it, and you know what? I have a GREAT relationship with him.
To me this reaction is just a sign that M isn't possible anymore. Everyone deserves better.
Agree with you that the XH probably deserved a better 'Me' too.
But Zues, the diff btw you and XH is that you calm down pretty fast, and you acknowledge that there are better ways to interact. You don't pin the blame on others. XH gets angry at the fact that other ppl make him angry and lose his temper... And he can get annoyed at quite a bit of things.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
