I have read read DR. I do realise that XH has a lot of issues to work through. Cadet's list is really useful and I am still in the midst of plowing through some of the threads which I have not read, especially the abuse one. I have read quite a few but I guess I need a refresher course as there are so many concepts to wrap my head around.
XH is at the stage where he realises that what he had done was scary. However, he still feels that I am the one responsible for his outbursts. He says that he has forgiven me for causing his outburst but he still tells me that the sight of me reminds of what he has done, and he gets angry with me because of that. The counsellor I am seeing for his outburst tells me this is a small step in acknowledgement, but XH is definitely not at the point where he assumes full responsibility for his actions yet.
While I totally do not condone his actions and I know that I am not responsible for his outbursts, I do realise that our dysfunctional communciation would have added to his stress.
His outbursts are rather infrequent- 2 in 10 years. For us to be able to work again, we will really have to change our communication methods. I guess talking to you ppl has sort of clarified what are some of the things that must be in place for me to even want a reconciliation.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
