Both the boys came over tonight for dinner. That was nice since they are both older and on their own and I don't see them together as much these days.
They are both very upset with their mother right now and don't want to talk to her. I thought that would be gratifying but it's not because seeing them upset breaks my heart worse than even my wife can. And I know that it is going to be perceived by my W that I am somehow turning them against her and I'm sure I will hear about that.
I think the big issue is that they saw us go through some turbulent times and saw us come out of it, and saw us get steadily closer and seemingly happier the last few years. Since the four of us are rarely together, I think they just assumed (like I did) that everything was pretty good and better than it had been for a long time. So this came as a hard blow to them as it did me...though by the time it came enough had happened that I wasn't surprised by it happening as much as how it felt, and how I felt about it.
W is surprised that my older son has been talking (on his own, initiated by him) more to me now since he and I have been somewhat at odds in the past due to some of his choices and the discussions we have had about them.
Now I face another new challenge: being there for the boys and talking to them without throwing Mom under the bus is very, very tricky. I try to keep the focus on me and the boys and how we will get through this and life will go on and be very, very good, and this won't change that.
