I Need Help - My wife is asking for a divorce

[Azzork]

I apologize in advance. This post may come across as tough. But thats just because I want you to succeed.

You're right, it didn't start yesterday. She has been very upset with me before for little things. She gets upset easily.

Things YOU think are little or things SHE thinks are little? And what do you mean by "she gets upset easily? Does she get upset because she feels you are indecisive, or unsupportive, or that you choose XW over her - and is this a REPEATED behavior?

I know that I am part of the problem. I know that I am not perfect. I am more interested in sex than her. I want sex in the mornings and she doesn't, so we made a compromise about which days are mine and which days are hers. And although she is permissive on my days, she still complains about it.

WHAT? You schedule having sex with her? She is permissive, gets upset, and yet, you continue? the same behavior? What are you doing to show that you care about HER?

I had a very similar problem in my last marriage.

You had the SAME problem before and didnt learn anything from it...?

But my current marriage is complicated by another problem. My ex is very demanding and my wife thinks I let her walk all over me. I understand now that I need to take a stand with my current wife and not pay heed to my ex. And I need to stand up better to my ex and her husband.

Its not about taking a stand. Its about priotizing. Theres no reason to disagree just to "take a stand". But if a request from XW comes between you and your W, it sounds like you are siding with XW to not "rock the boat". But it's causing strife in your current M. Would you say that you ever achieved any level of detachment from XW?

I appreciate very much all the help I get on here and realize that I need to work on pursuing less. That is a so hard for me.

Today I was asking her why she wouldn't let me hug her. (That was before I read your advice.) I realize now that I should just leave her alone.

Takes practice. But if I can do it, you can do it. Know that every time you pursue her, you are getting farther from your goals.

But things have gotten better. This morning, I made her breakfast, which she ate and she let me help her do her fingernails.

That sounds like more pursuit, Ken. It doesnt sound like "better". It sounds like she has you wrapped around her finger and is going to try to appease you as she decides how to proceed.

I really think you need to read the HW carefully.