Alligator Love

[Zues126]

Thank you Sunny. On your end you've been able to speak your voice quite clearly while still tactfully and gently. Much appreciated.

Had a good weekend. Solo this weekend. I played a team pool tournament. Didn't really want to play, but this team cajoled me into it so I agreed. I don't really like team tournaments in general because 1) they are all handicapped (which NEVER favors me) and 2) it's hard to find a team that doesn't slow me down to some extent. In the past I've played on a team stacked up with players from all over the midwest, and our win rate was pretty good, but the handicaps are killers.

It's the blue ribbon syndrome. The teams that win are those that stack up underrated players together then laugh their ways to the finals. It's so strange. When I grew up there were no handicaps. People played better players to get better. The top players would win tournaments. People would practice to try to take them down. Now the top players all look washed up because they can't win anymore, and the 15 year olds that play well but haven't won anything yet show up with huge handicaps and win tournament after tournament until they gradually move up. Check in on them five years from now and they'll be washed up at the age of 21, and their days of winning will be over as the next wave of underrated players comes in. My quote of the week is this: It used to be that you'd pay your dues for years then win a tournament. Now you win a tournament then pay your dues for years...

That all said, I don't really care. I play because I love the game. I don't need the money from the tournaments, which is good, because you have to be a pro level player to win more than a few hundred here and there. So I just went to hit balls. And you know what? Pool is REALLY GOOD for me. When I play I feel like myself. I enjoy seeing people I've known for years. I enjoy the competition, the challenge. I enjoy the pressure. I enjoy letting everything else fall away as pool is my universe. Most of all, I enjoy what I can do at the table. I play that game in a way that's hard to explain...it's like I've almost got it solved, tables that look impossible to run due to clusters, layout, etc, there's only one possible way, you have to break open balls at the right speeds so they don't tie back up, and put delicate spins on the cue ball to get it to dance through narrow windows, clip off the right side of balls and land on a dime, time and again, and even then you have to make some finesse shots and not miss...and not only do I run that table, I do it again, and again, and again, each one looking like a miracle, but after seeing it enough times I actually realize it's possible to play that way. It's a true treat.

So my team took 3rd place, which I guess is pretty sporty given there were 100+ and I was on a hodge podge team. I played well and helped us get there, but I fumbled at the end for the chance to get further. I don't pretend I'm error free. Not at all. It comes and goes. I just enjoy trying to get there. And when I'm done, while it is a little hard to come crashing back to the world of work, laundry, and dishes, I tend to feel reenergized. In fact, I feel...what is this weird feeling...oh, HAPPY. Wow, I am happy when I am playing pool.

Also, I see guys there who's women are rooting them on, and I realize if the day comes I dip my toe in the water again I would really like that. I would love to be with a woman that would come root me on. At least once in a while. I wouldn't think it would be that bad. Travelling around the country. Staying at different hotels in different cities, going to nice restaurants, then watching your man play champions in big matches, and sharing in some amazing gifts, then going back to the hotel and watching a movie and cuddling up. Yup, that is my dream. I want to share at least a sliver of this with my partner. And I'd hope she would root me on and be supportive of some of what I have to put in to the game to make that magic happen. Trust me, I wouldn't put this ahead of a R, it would just be a piece of it. But that's what I want. Maybe someday. Maybe not. But that's life. You don't always get what you want. Just like pool. You'd better have fun fighting, because you're only going to win once in a while. If you only have fun when you get the outcome you want you'll be a sad, sad person. But if you have fun trying, well, then it's all good. So I can dream of this relationship, and I may give it a swing, but I'll see what God has in store for me and be happy about it.