Back on these forums again

[Mona52]

Feeling a bit proud of myself today . First, I have not contacted him in a while. No text, no email, no calls. It was hard at first, but every day it gets a little easier. I am not wrapped in thoughts of him all day, every day anymore. But I am pleased because I think I have got rid of the anger. It was put to the test last night. 10:45 PM I was STILL driving around picking up the kids from friend's and from work. We all walked out of the house yesterday at 8:30am, and i was busy with them until very late.

So, at 10:45 my D, who just got off work, notices there is a strange number on her phone. Someone called her and she did not know who it was. I thought I raised my children to be smart, but no, before I knew what she was doing, she called the strange number to see who it was.

It turned out to be a call from H. I heard his voice through her phone. I was shocked at first, because it came from left field. But I was not annoyed at the sound of his voice.

I was hurt a tiny bit that he was calling her and not me. But that was a fleeting hurt. I felt it, acknowledged the hurt was there, then told myself that he has no reason to contact me anymore, and I moved on.

Then I just tried to ignore their conversation and hum along with the song on the radio quietly to distract myself.

The end of the phone call angered me completely. He spoke to D16 for about 5 minutes, and my D15 was sitting right in the back seat of the car, and he did not ask to speak to her. She was not angry, so I let it go. I cant control that. Yes, I could force a conversation, yes I could yell at H, yes I could comfort D, assuming she was hurt. But all of those things would make matters worse, and NOT better. I casually mentioned to D16 that next time she should pass the phone to the back and I moved on with my life. The anger dissolved as soon as I moved on instead of focusing on it and fuming.

I have huge plans working that I just cannot post yet. If I can just make it work I will earn 4 times what I earn now, and work half as many hours.

I am moving on as if the plans have already been successful. The kids and I have found a house on the market that we will move into once the money starts coming in. We are packing up things in the house we currently rent and are throwing away anything that will not fit into our new life. We have not bought the house, we are just moving on like it is a possibility.

I tried to make this work once before, but at that time I felt I needed H to help me make it through. And he never helped at all. He never lifted a finger, and the idea was so dear to me. It was one of the reasons I became so dissatisfied. He made promises to me, and never even tried to keep them. It hurt so bad that I lost track of my goals and became focused on what HE did not do to help.

It will require me to build some sales skills, and that is GLARINGLY outside the scope of my abilities, but I am moving full speed ahead anyway. If I fail I will not be worse off then where I am now, but if I succeed an awful lot of dreams I never really thought of will be within reach.

Now, the only enemy that can destroy my success right now is me. I need to make sure I work every day to make it a little further. Even if it is only a small thing, I have to do something EVERY day. I need to pretend I CAN sell because I have seen sales people, and if they can do it, I can do it.

I am only looking for 20 to 40 customers. That is all I need. I am not being greedy. ANYONE can get 20 to 40 customers, right? My service is desperately needed by businesses so this will be easy.

Customers will be beating down my door for an opportunity for me to help them. (I just have to keep saying that over and over).