The book of Lou - Chapter 4

[LouR]

Thank you Sotto, job and bttrfly, great to hear from you all.

Also, as for possibly being intimate next time. Again, I think if you can have a mindset of - it may happen and it may not - that will be best. He or you may or may not feel like doing that next time and that is okay. Again, the less pressure the better I think.

I agree totally. I don't have expectations on how any of this is going to go. The intimate side will happen when the time is right for both of us, I feel we need to spend a lot more time together becoming more comfortable in each others company, I certainly would not have gone down that road on this occasion even if he had initiated.

I think things are heading in a good direction. But there are two things to bear in mind. One is ongoing contact with ex OW, even if just about practical issues. The other is possible ongoing crisis issues.

At the moment I am not worried about the contact with ex ow, she moved out of the house they shared at the weekend and now they have 2 weeks to get it cleaned and sorted to hand it back. I did not ask details but he spoke like he would be doing the gardens and cleaning on his own as the bond is his. I accept that there are loose ends to tie up as they shared the house together, but at the end of this month there should be no reason for any contact - he has said there won't be as he has no interest in her, he said he looks at her now and thinks "what was I thinking .....that was the problem, I wasn't". I remind myself that she came after me, he did not cheat on me, we were no longer together in his head, so whilst it is hard to know she has been in his life, I also accept that technically he did nothing wrong and I should not punish him for her. This does not mean I would ever be ok with him remaining friendly with her (which he tells me he has no interest in doing), it just means I trust what he is saying is true and accept that if he chooses otherwise its his decision to make and he will loose me as a consequence.

As for on going crisis issues - I am aware that this is far from over but at least he recognizes this too and as he comes up against things he tells me so I back off and allow him the time and space to sort it out - he takes it straight to his c. I feel he is now understands when he needs help - his words are - "my c gives me tools to put in my new tool box, I don't have them all yet, sometimes I try to use other tools to solve the problem but they don't work, so I then know I need a new tool designed for the task"

This is a brand new relationship and neither of you can bring the old relationship back to life.

This is so true job and neither of us want the old relationship back, we want a stronger healthier one where we both feel equal partners in it. I can see the potential for this to be a much better and fulfilling partnership as he has a new appreciation for me and I am stronger and more in control of myself which will make me a better partner for him. There are obviously a few downsides to already having history but the upside is that we have a head start on the little things and its those that keep the bond - its silly I know, but he cut my toast into triangles, I love that he remembered.

I know that this is not a done deal, we have a long road ahead of us and one or the other of us may decide that this is not what we want, but for now the "possibility" is still alive and moving in a forward direction.