Zues, two points here. One, there's a vast gulf between perfect and screaming and throwing things for two hours. Not throwing the remote. Throwing things and screaming for two hours, while your kid is listening to it all. No one is saying that her Girl's H needs to be perfect for her to reconcile with him, but the second time my kid is cowering in terror, I'd make sure there was no opportunity for a third. Abuse doesn't have to be physical to be damaging.
Second, Zues, you've come a long way, you've worked on you. And that was my point to Girl, that, yes, she needs to work on her, but her H needs to make some changes, too. And so far there's been no indication that he even recognizes that, much less is willing to do it.
Sometimes you are so black and white, Zues. Why does it have to be perfect or nothing? My M wasn't perfect, obviously. I would have stayed anyway. Sometimes the abuse threads make me extremely uncomfortable because they hit a little too close to home. I would have stayed anyway. He cheated on me. I would have stayed anyway. But when my kid is cowering behind a door, terrified, for the second time, that's a line that's been crossed for me. Everyone has a line, Zues, and it's usually substantially short of perfection.
