I'm not disagreeing with you here, zues. But when you say "because I hadn't gotten that far yet". That YET is the key.
I actually think physical separation when there is an intense angry outburst, even if it is the first one, is often warranted because it is a sliding scale, a continuum, and just like any addiction, the more it's done, the more it's likely to be done again, and the more likely the intensity will increase over time.
We have to look at it from the perspective of the recipient. I am a big muscular guy, former athlete (not pro like you) but big and strong. My wife is a cute little 5'1" little lady. All I saw was me expressing my hurt at what she did to me, and her trying to ignore me for doing it. What she saw was a much bigger, stronger man acting in a manner she perceived as intimidating and threatening.
The way I see it, as the bigger, stronger person as well as being the man, I should be using everything in my toolbox to create a soft, loving space for her where she feels protected and loved. And I have to do that even if she doesn't want to be in it right now.
