Am not sure where I belong now

[Zues126]

And it was angry/ violent outburst number 2. This time, it lasted at least 2 hours, and all the neighbours were outside the house, worried about my safety. I knew that if I had given the slightest indication of fear or alarm, the police would have been called. To say that my kid and I were terrified would have been to make the understatement of the year. I still get sick to my stomach when I think of my kid cowering behind the door, too scared to even close the door to the room.

Girlonf, this concerns me a great deal. I probably would be asking for a restraining order instead of trying to reconcile. You say that outburst #2, was far more violent than outburst #1. What happens with #3? Please be very careful, for the sake of yourself, and most importantly, for the sake of your child. Your child's safety is more important than your M. Your H has a lot of work to do, and it has nothing to do with you. So continue with your path, fix what needs to be fixed in you, but realize that you can't fix your H, he has to do that.

Sunny, if physical violence is a threat than I absolutely agree. Is it?

I'm not asking if he raised his voice.
I'm not asking if he threw a remote control in anger.
Has he ever hit you or your child?
Not pushed away if you were pushed away if you were pursuing him, not accidental contact in a rowdy situation...but actual intentionally taking action intended to deliver physical harm?

I PROMISE my STBX has said the same thing. I probably had 3 angry outbursts in 10 years of M. STBX claims to have 'video footage' of me and S11 that would 'cost me the kids forever that she hopes not to use'. I PROMISE there is nothing the courts could ever see that would take the kids away. It is absolutely absurd. I NEVER hit her. I think I broke a remote control once. But while I'm a long ways from a Buddhist monk, I'm a long way from an dangerous person.

I'm not saying "oh, it's ok, it's no big deal". No, my STBX was scared. She said she had an angry dad that she was scared of and had PTSD, and was afraid of me during these exchanges. Of course I don't feel good about that, and recognize I need to do everything possible to eliminate this. On my side being told this was basically like being called an abusive monster, about the worst thing you can call a guy. I tried managing this, but these days it seems that isn't good enough. Anything less than perfection is reason to cut bait.

I guess I just think about Good Will Hunting homes, you know, drunk dad, belt/wrench, knocking mom around. And women would STAY in those marriages. I agree, not healthy, and I'm glad the message is being passed not to put up with that. But from this guy's perspective the needle has swung so far I know I could never measure up. If I can't lose my cool every 3 years then I'd rather be single for life than labeled abusive.

Sunny, I'm not disagreeing with you either, just clarifying the situation. And maybe I am abusive and I'm defending stuff that's worthy of the death penalty. I guess the forum will light up and let me know that...