A few developments has kept me from posting earlier today. Received a call last night from W, seems her mother has taken a turn for the worst. So I heard her, listened to her, she asked if I could stay over with the kids, which I did. No expectations. She was of course distraught, and worrying about financials in order to fly out to see her mother. It only felt right to offer to cover the flight being that she couldn't afford to and I couldn't live with the thought of her not being able to see her mom, as this might be her few chances to do so.
This morning I woke up made breakfast for the entire family, and proceeded to help my W get ready for her flight. I also provided her with my spare CC and made her an authorized user, for her to use it in case of emergency. During this ordeal I took a glance at her finances, and wow, what a disaster. No wonder she is feeling the strain, yet, I come to the house and she has a delivery for a new hat... not only that, but I see that she has been corresponding with one of her interests via email lately (I did not snoop, it came up on our PC at home when I when to check my email) I am not going to bring it up as this is not the time for any of that. What is happening right now, is bigger than us. Yet, it hurts a bit.
This is my current update in my sitch. I am beginning to feel a sense of detachment, not entirely but some.
Here is my PMA for today:
Quote of the day:
“You are one thing only. You are a Divine Being. An all-powerful Creator. You are a Deity in jeans and a t-shirt, and within you dwells the infinite wisdom of the ages and the sacred creative force of All that is, will be and ever was.”
- Anthon St. Maarten, Divine Living: The Essential Guide To Your True Destiny
*This video really put a few things into perspective for me*
I hope we are all finding ourselves a little stronger, a little wiser, and with a little bit more love today. Everyday, you take it 24 hours, 12 hours, 1 hour, 30 minutes, 15 minutes, 1 minute at a time.
God Bless.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Have to agree with ILYNOT...keep an eye on that card!
You made a generous, trusting gesture which should put a lot of coins in the "love bank", but someone in financial trouble isn't usually reliable with someone else's money. Just be careful there.
Otherwise, you were great with her mom's situation. She won't forget it.
Thank you ILYNOT and Ancaire, this helps a lot believe me.
I did what I felt was right. This is a woman who I love, and my ILs have always treated me well and open their homes to me; I would not allow her to live with regret because of something like money.
I will keep an eye on the card of course, if she takes advantage of it that is yet another thing she has to live with, she is further making it difficult for me to move past things if that's how she would like to do me during this situation; family is family and when I married her she became family, but I am not a dunce, so once she is done with her trip, I am removing her as an authorized user.
Thank you about the suggestion with the email, it is in the tip of my tongue. I just want to confront her, but then I think "This has not worked in the past, so where is it going to get me now?"; so I decided not to mention it. I just hope I keep that up.
Ancaire, I just want to say that I am very happy for you to be piecing things already. from your amount of posts, it sounds like even in the short time you were going through a lot. I will read up on your sitch.
God Bless you both!
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
EM, you are the MAN. Good job with your wife and MIL. She will have to have her head examined if she leaves you.
Please listen to me, do not mention the emails. Do not erase all the good work/will you generated with the flight by mentioning the emails. All she will remember is the snooping.
Thank you all so much for the great words. I am trying to just do the right thing through this whole ordeal. I told her I would have her back, and just making sure that I continue to; this is the woman I love after all.
Thank you also for the advice in not bringing up the emails. I really have been trying not to. I saw an calendar invite for them to get together for her Bday; this man lives out of state, so does that mean that she plans on being out of state during her bday? Away from her kids on her bday? Guess who she expects to stay with them if that is the case. Also, it seems she shipped a set of keys to him a while back, keys? for what? These are the things going through my mind and I don't know how to digest them, my mind wants to run with the "What-if?" scenarios.
Meditated this morning, will probably do some calisthenics to see if I can burn some of this. It hurts, I really dislike this.
My boys are doing good, which is great. Looking into what I can do with both of them today. Haven't heard from her since yesterday evening, a package came her, seems she purchased a new hat...smh
Today's PMA
Quote of the day:
“Everybody in the world is seeking happiness—and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.” - Dale Carnegie
Today I am in a pensive mood. One that stems from the realization that she is still having these flirtatious conversations. I just keep on thinking on the fact that she seems to be moving on, and the fact that she has shut me out of her life. It is incredible how one moment this could be the person who knows everything about you, and the next acting as if we are strangers...
I am leaning towards continuing to keep my distance, and our interactions short but cordial, civil, and friendly. I need to stop being so available to her, I mean how can I just be ok with her flirting around as if I didn't matter? The birthday thing is also playing in my mind, how do you opt to want to spend your bday with strangers as opposed to those that love you?
So my mood is that of detachment, I am hurt, so it brings me back into reality that I still have work to do on this front. Moving forward, that's my themed for today. Listened to Joel Osteen on his sermon about moving forward. I am not giving up on my M, at least not at this moment, my heart is not into it but I am moving forward and opened to whatever life brings my way, I am not ok with her actions but I am going to try and not judge them.
PMA for today
Quote of the day:
“My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It's happened before, it will happen again, I'm sure. When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive--I'll find love again.” - Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
a note about the quote, I find it fitting not because I am hoping to start a new R with someone else, but more so because it could be applied in our situations. We want to start a new relationship with a better version of ourselves and our spouses. So we will work through our hurt, bruises, and scars. We will focus on become better versions of ourselves and then hopefully we will have the chance to work on a much better marriage.
Another day has passed and I am feeling a bit better. Still with the feeling of hurt and sadness; the thoughts about the flirtatious conversations and the fact that my wife is distant; when she calls is to check up on the boys and how they are (which should be expected), it does hurt that she doesn't call to see how I am doing, even though after she speaks to the boys she begins to have a conversation with me (I don't know if I should take this as a positive or if I am being friend zoned).
I miss my wife daily and think about how she is doing during this time. I also can't help these ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) that pop up telling me that she might be just reaching out to OMs to get that sense of emotional needs met. Crazy, how one can slip up and end up at the beginning.
Today I started the day with joining a prayer line, meditating, and listening to Joel Osteen.
Here is my PMA for the day:
Quote of the day:
“Don’t be afraid to stand tall in YOUR truth! Boldly and confidently face everything that has, and is, keeping you bound. Fight for your inner peace! Fight for your happiness! Fight for everything and everybody that’s important to you! You are NOT a victim! Don’t even play into that. You owe it to yourself to LIVE! Live your life without the regrets, without the resentments, without the unforgiveness, without the blame game, without the self-pity, without any and everything that keeps you from experiencing true joy within! You are too important to waste your life away! Learn to appreciate and value your life, but most importantly, learn to appreciate and value yourself! You count too, no matter what you’ve done!” - Stephanie Lahart
I have been noticing that my last few post has reverted back to focusing on my wife, I guess I can't blame myself as she is going through something which is hard, and it saddens me that this is also all happening at the same time, and that if everything was as it was, we would all be there supporting each other; with that said, I need to stop wasting this energy with focusing on her and again refocus it on me, and my boys. I will continue to support my wife throughout this, but need to start loving myself again as I feel as I am neglecting myself right now.
God Bless
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
I am heavy hearted this morning. I am just sitting on my thoughts about how I don't hear from my wife often, only in the mornings and it is usually to talk to the kids. Throughout the day she doesn't reach out, which to me means that somebody or somebodies are meeting that need for her.
She only reaches out during the real hard times, sometimes to talk to me about it, but I can't help it see that in doing so, I always feel the need to rescue her. I wonder if this is part of the reason why she calls or reaches out during these times.
I miss my wife a lot, I know we all do. This is just getting to the point in which I don't know if the reason she reaches out is to be helped out and not because she genuinely wanted to.
I am feeling abandonment, competition, and jealousy. I just can't help think about her many conversations, the ego boosts she is getting, the fact that she shares her days with all of these people; and me? I am hardly reached out to, maybe once a day, if anything for something random sometimes. I don't even understand that, why reach out to me for something random or trivial, especially if you don't reach out to me at all throughout the day to share your day or life anymore.
Today's PMA
Quote of the day:
“There is no easy way out of our circumstances...Sometimes you stick it out even when you want to give up because you know that on the other side is either a better situation or a better you." -Watercrossing (Phantom Island Book 3)”
