My W moved out a week ago and returned this past Fri to tell me she's ready to file for D. She asked our sons (19 and 23) to meet at our house where I'm still living for a family meeting so she could tell the kids. 19 year old didn't show...he refuses to talk about any of this and doesn't seem to want to deal with it. Wife told S23:
"We have a lot of problems that at this point I don't think will resolve themselves. I've been unhappy for 20 years and don't want to be unhappy for the next 20 years, so I'm ready to file for divorce."
23 year old was pretty upset, didn't say much, a few tears in the eyes and seemed a little angry with W. His only question was to ask me if I was staying in town, and I told him I was because I wanted to be near him and his brother right now. They are still transitioning into adult lives and need some decent guidance and support from time to time which they're currently not getting from W.
So other than that, no contact with W for a week or so. After the family meeting we straightened out some issues on bill paying and she said she still hasn't gone to a lawyer, so divorce papers likely to be filed in December or January.
For the first time in my life I am having a hard time deciding what I really want to do. Difficult sitch for me because I am a very decisive person. At first when she left, I said good riddance. After a couple of days, I thought I wanted to give her the opportunity to return even though that seems unlikely given how hard and determined she is in terms of her attitude and charging forward.
After seeing the hurt this is causing for my kids, not to mention myself, after she's already caused a good bit in the past, as time goes on I'm having a harder time finding a reason to want this marriage even though I don't believe in divorce and I believe anything can work if people do what is required to make it work.
As time goes on I'm getting more and more skeptical about whether she is even capable of doing what it takes, and whether I care if she does.
Deep down I want this M to be saved and to thrive and am willing to do the work to get there. But I'm tired of her constant chaos, and I've had a good friend tell me that what I want is admirable and he knows me and has no doubt I could do it...but why do I want to be married to someone who clearly has no respect for me.
