I stepped away from here for a while - I felt like obsessing on here about every little nuance was getting a bit unproductive for me. That I was focusing on him and his changes instead of me and my goals.
So - this month has been mixed. We ended up selling the house - which was much quicker than expected. I've seen a change in his behaviour - he's been more open about his feelings, and I've heard him verbally take responsibility for stepping away from our relationship once or twice - that is, he's actually admitted that is what he has been doing.
I've been sticking to my goals and it looks to me like he feels a bit safer in getting closer to me - though I still can't say he's actually warm or affectionate in the ways that I would like.
Money is still a bit of an issue - we're not going to buy a house in the new city we're relocating to. I put down a boundary there for myself and said I didn't feel safe getting into another huge financial commitment with him until our relationship was in a better place. So we're going to rent for a year and see what happens. I don't think he agrees with me on this, and I don't think this course of action is what he'd prefer. But I do need to be wise as well as kind.
I've also refused to get into fights with him. He has this habit of coming up to me and announcing what I am thinking, what I am feeling, why I am doing things. Most often times he is wrong - and it still leaves me in the dark as to what he is thinking and feeling. So no real communication takes place and in the past it has ended up with me saying, 'no, that's not what is going on with me,' and him insisting that it is, and us going round and round fruitlessly.
I believe he might be projecting - he has an issue he wants to discuss, and instead of owning it, he tries to push it onto me. That might or might not be true - it's just a guess on my part based on observations - but in any case, the past two or three times he's started like that, I've said, 'I'd love to hear about how you feel and what you're thinking and what you want. And I'd love to share with you the same about myself. But I'm not sitting here listening to you tell me what is going on with me when you have no way of knowing that,' and then I've left the room. I've been calm and respectful - and he's been respecting my boundary in ending the conversation and things have been relatively peaceful.
I'm not sure where we go from here. We're moving out of our current house in the New Year, and will rent a place together. I don't want to rent long term, and I don't want to commit to a mortgage together while things are the way they are. So I guess the ball is in his court right now.
