Hi Klassic - it's okay to post as much as you need...there's no limit. The forum is open 24/7 and there is always someone here.

I'm sorry to hear about your family circumstances. That must have been tough, and we all do our best with the hand of cards we are dealt. Sometimes as kids, the coping mechanisms we develop make sense at the time, but don't serve us well as we get older.

I think you need to have a therapist you have confidence in. Does yours have particular experience in your own area of need? Also, you mention shame and I wonder if you might find Brene Brown's two TED talks helpful?

WRT contact with your H. I would remain responsive and friendly to his contact, but if you initiate ILYs and he doesn't respond, I would back off from that and keep it at a lighter level. It sounds like he may need some time and space to process things.

My take on this is that his greatest fear will be going down this same (infidelity) road again as he has been deeply hurt (I'm speaking from my own experience here.)

For me, I would need to know that there has been a deep realisation that infidelity was not the answer to life's troubles and that my H was willing to dig deep within to understand why this happened. I would also need to know that my H was truly remorseful and willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild things. A huge part of that would be no contact with OP - which you have already done. Good for you and sustaining that is paramount.

I would focus on your own work just now, and on getting yourself to a healthier place. Give your H some space and time, but remain responsive when he gets in touch.

Take care and keep moving forward - you're doing well xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus