PP 2.0 - PigPen & The WAW (7)

[PigPen]

Well DB'ers, I have a new development in my sitch. I'm reading into it far too much and it's pulling me in a few directions.

I'm supposed to swap Woofie with the WAW tomorrow but instead she's asked if I want to have dinner with her. She said she "misses her friend".

This has thrown me off for the day. On one level I don't want to do it. I don't want to sit there and laugh with her, and fall in love with again, and go through the pain of being around her in a house full of our furniture that reminds me of everything we had together and now don't. I don't want to hear about how great everything is now that we're separated and a bunch of spiritual bypass. I'd rather just hand off the dog, get back in my car and go home and continue to put my life back together.

On the other hand, this is the first time she's asked to see me in nine months. I haven't received a phone call even. Two weeks ago I got a text telling me she was sending me good vibes, and now this. On the DB front it feels like a positive move.

Yes it's trending in the right direction, but it's also happening while her attorney has filed and is asking me to give up my dog. So it's very confusing.

However, I'm erring on the side of protecting my heart, which seems to need a few days every time after seeing her to mend. I don't want to go through the pain of walking away from her again, feeling whole for an hour and then having it all crash down one more time. Detaching seems to be more effective without her presence.

I'm truly at a loss for what to do as this week was an extremely difficult one for me emotionally. Last night I was meditating and burst out sobbing. This was the hardest I had cried since getting served papers a few weeks back and lasted for almost 30 minutes! It was insane and I can't tell you the catalyst for it. I question whether seeing her would be a deterrent to my own healing, and I'm trying to protect myself, or if I don't want to see her because on some very real level I'm angry at her for all of this and my ego doesn't want to let her have access to me.

I've been available all throughout this process and only recently have pulled away. My texts have been all business, the last dog swap was extremely short by my design, and emotionally I've started to let go of any chance of reconciliation and started to move on.

Any thoughts?