It was a good day. The kids didn't want to hike, and it was taking everyone a long time to get organized this morning, so we skipped the hike and H, S9 and I went to a sale and out to lunch. It was ok. Neutral, not exactly pleasant but not unpleasant either. Took H to the airport. He was in a mood, abrupt and a bit harsh in his tone, seemed like everything I said pissed him off. Got to the airport, he came around to me in the drivers seat, gave me a "half hug" through the window, no kiss, no thank you, just an "ok" and walked away. Very cold.

I drove home with tears in my eyes, but I am ok. Kids had music lessons, a friend came over and we split a bottle of sangria, now I am babysitting for a friend's kids and they should be going home soon.

I am done. This is my time to detach. I can not stay in crisis mode. I can not continue to be punished. I feel like the time is right, I keep grasping at detachment, maybe getting it for a day or two, sometimes even a week, and then sliding back. I am ready to take a huge step forward in this area. I need to for self preservation. He is not well, so depressed, so checked out, so angry.

I have stopped "flooding", stopped reacting, am better at validating, my GAL is more balanced and realistic now that I have slowed it down and added some quiet reading time so I should be less exhausted and "frantic" with my activities. I have flirted with my x-bf and felt a little thrill about that, and cut that off. I know that isn't a road I want to pursue. Pursuing a job. I think I have made a lot of progress emotionally.

A thought I had today- if I am tempted to text or call H, or obsessing over him, I will stop and do pushups or else clean my house for 15 minutes. Setting the timer. I did this twice after the airport drop off and I got so much cleaning done!

Much more positive than obsessing. And I hate to clean, and I hate pushups, so this might just make me stop thinking about H so much.

I found a few books at the library for my non-fiction reading GAL, George Washington's spies and Unbroken. Also searching for a sexy halloween costume. And working on a few home decor/organizing projects, as always, never seems to end- but my house is finally starting to get a "pulled together" look. We have been living here for 3 years and its been evolving. I've been juicing for one meal per day, mostly breakfast. And keeping up with walking 3 miles every day after I drop kids off at school.

So, there is a lot going on in my life. A lot of positive, a lot of change, a lot of self care, and forward momentum.