Can ALL marriages be saved Vol. 2

[Avanti]

Hello Gmum, I am new to your sitch and just beginning to catch up with where you are.

I can be a little direct at times, so it's best to warn you in advance with the hope that what you read doesn't upset you. It is far from my desire to unsettle you, more like everyone here I try to help in the best way possible, sometimes a few eggs need to be broken for the omelette to be possible.

You have mentioned that you've read the DR book, what elements do you believe you have instigated so far?

You may well say that you think your sitch is different because your H is away on long business trips, isn't that the same as for those of us who's S's have moved many miles away and we haven't seen them for many months (5 in my case)?

Your sitch does have unique elements otherwise it wouldn't be yours, what it also has is similarities, so maybe it is best to think of how other people's sitch's compare to yours and draw from those who you see as having parallels.

You do also seem to spend a lot of time thinking about your H and during those times it is natural to take a thought and allow it to run around and around in your mind. Each time it does so it gets a little darker,as you embellish it with another nuance, until it blocks out nearly all the light and you feel really hopeless.

If you become aware of this happening, recognise it and gently lead yourself toward thinking of other things.. Some use prayer, others spiritual or non-spiritual meditation or simple thought replacement techniques. Find something that works for you and start to use it consistently. It will take practice and in a relatively short while your mood will start to lift. If your not sure ask and you'll get guidance.

With a clearer mind you can then start to take on board everything that DB'ing has to offer, the book will make more sense and all of us here can really start to help you on your quest.

As a starter, may I suggest that if you think your sitch is hopeless, then you are absolutely right, however if you change that to something a lot more positive you will also be absolutely right.

A thought is just a thought nothing else, it is not a reality until you make it that. You are undoubtedly aware of the concept of self fulfilling prophecies and their power is great, make yours a positive one, it might seem fake at first but the more you think it the more real it will become.

As others have said and you are doing, keep posting, try to make them have some solution oriented thinking (the backbone to DB'ing) content as well as what you are feeling and in that way you will help yourself too and you are your greatest asset. A good old rant or whinge is fine too, we all need those every once in a while. :-)