I hear ya. I feel for ya because you're caught between your obligation to your children (via your Ex) and your new wife. Obviously your child support is a legal and moral obligation on your part that you are living up to as you should (which is admirable, so congrats on being a good dad!). Obviously that is something your current wife can't change. It must also be a difficult position for her to be in. I wonder if she sees you being hassled with attempted manipulation by your ex and is angry because she can't do anything about it? Just speculation on my part.
Just remember what they say here: Don't believe anything you hear and half of what you see. That's good advice because there could be other issues at play with her. If she's unwilling to do MC right now that doesn't mean you can't. I was amazed at how much better things went for me after the first couple of sessions. And I am typically a "I can handle this" kind of guy. But I realized that just like I don't have the skills and experience to run new electrical wiring in a new house, I didn't have the skills I needed to deal with a failed/failing marriage.
What I did the first go around, and what I'll probably start doing again, is going to a action-oriented, pro-marriage counselor I use by myself. I really like counseling/coaching for a couple of reasons:
1. a good one has a wise perspective based on years of real-world, professional experience.
2. what I usually do with counseling is go in and describe the most significant issues that have arisen (perhaps with/from her, or the kids), and describe how I handled it or how I intend to handle it, and then he will usually agree with me, tell me there might be some additional or different responses I could consider, etc. Then we'll talk about that. It's good to have that reaction from someone who doesn't have a dog in the fight, so to speak.
3. Ethical professional counselors are objective and keep everything confidential. That way I'm not tempted to get into the dirt with friends and family who may not keep it private, and I'm also not keeping it all bottled up (which leads to depression and festering anger).
