H is leaving tonight for a 10 day trip. Last night we watched tv and drank wine. It was pleasant. After that I brought the bottle upstairs and encouraged H to talk. I asked him to tell me all about his upcoming trip. Every detail, what is he planning to accomplish, what is the content of the upcoming meetings, who will be there, etc etc. He really seemed to relax and enjoy the attention. Then my D came in for a hug from me, wouldn't give H one, but was being kind of funny about it, (as opposed to obnoxious which she can be.). I could tell it hurt him, but I can't force a 14 yr old to hug her father. I listened to him and encouraged him to talk about his pain about being rejected by her.
I listened, I didn't interrupt, or judge. I did just have to throw in that I don't believe the situation is hopeless, I am sorry but I just always have to throw that in, because it is the truth. But I said that after he talked and I validated, and I said it more as an after thought, not part of the conversation. We talked for about 30-40 minutes, just quiet talking, all H, with me gently encouraging and validating. No R talk.
We are taking the kids out for a hike today, and then on the way back dropping H off at the airport. I asked H if he could show me how to use the power washer this morning before we leave because I want to power wash the house. It is surprisingly easy, just have to climb up on a ladder so I am only going to be able to do the first floor.
Heading out soon to hike with the kids, drop H off at the airport, and then I have music lessons for the kids tonight (teacher is a friend of mine and he comes to the house) and another friend of mine is going to come over while the boys are in lessons to test my D for some visual problems that my friend suspects she has. (My friend is a reading specialist.) This poor girl has so many problems, the list keeps growing. Mostly sensory based, its like her brain has no filter and she gets overwhelmed with sounds, lights, etc, and it sends her into high anxiety. My H doesn't believe any of it, thinks she is just a discipline problem and that she hates him. No wonder why she won't give him a hug. LOL- I just realized how many good friends I have- I have a great network.
The problems between H and D are a huge issue. All the validation and DB'ing in the world isn't going to solve that. I could get my H back, but at some point he is going to have to learn how to relate to our D. I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
Very busy day today, all the way up until tonight. It will be a good day.
