I wish I had come across this website in the months leading to the divorce. I was and still am in a very bad place. But this forum has given me a lot of encouragement. Wished that I had read Michele's books before rather than after the divorce.

I had already realised the part I've played in the failure of my marriage in the months leading to the divorce. We have always had communication issues throughout our marriage, right from the very first year. I tried counselling a few times and to give him credit, he did attend a few sessions. We always stopped because he felt that the counsellors were biased against him and I felt that it was futile.

I started shutting myself out from him emotionally as well as physically. The physical part wasn't really intentional as I was on med that affected my libido. The emotional part was a way of protecting myself as he is very emotionally detached. He wanted and still wants a fairy tale life with none of the stresses of reality. The only way I could take on everything myself and not crumble was to withdraw.

Nevertheless, I realise that as hurt as I was and am by his violent outbursts and his affair, and his threat to cut off our child from his life if I were to stop the divorce, the actions that I had taken to protect myself would have hurt him as well.

After reading all the self- help books that I could have done things differently to reach out to him and meet our needs better. But hindsight is a bittersweet pill to swallow.

So here I am now, in limboland after the divorce. Do I go on with my life or do I try to see if reconciliation is possible? Leading to the divorce, he has suggested reconciliation a few times but each time, he would change his mind. The first few times, he decided to take his chance with th OW. The last time he mentioned reconciliation, he insisted that the divorce would still go through, especially after I insisted that he cut off all contact with the OW.

And now, he sees our kid almost every night, and tells me that he has never said that he didnt want me to join them for dinners. What gives?

Anyway, sorty for hijacking this thread. Was feeling rather emotional and down today.

You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.