oh believe me I have thought about that but 1) she probably already knows and 2) does that really benefit me at all? may make me feel better in the immediate moment, but not long term
I think a lot of guys talk tough to their OW but when they're found out, do anything to stay with their Ws. When that happens, their OW see them as the cowardly liars they are and have nothing but disdain for them. So one day you may have that going for ya. If that helps.
no, I am struggling.... feel like i need to confront her and set boundaries when she returns (as Sandi has suggested). Need to talk to my DB coach abut this.
I've lived through hell and I've been studying infidelity in depth for the last 2 years. Along the way I've learned some very clear truths. One of them being you don't have a chance in hell if the affair continues. Your #1 priority has to be stopping the affair and then working on your marriage.
DB coach said it is ok to confront her and ask her to leave MBR, but not to pressure her about making up her mind on relationship. Having her leave the MBR is establishing a boundary for my self respect. But telling her "You need to decide if you want to be in a relationship with me or not. If you don't want to be in a relationship with me then you should leave" would not be the right thing. She has already told me she doesn't. Where she is now, in the heat of her high from the affair, those words would probably be just what she want to hear. Would give her justification to leave and conveniently blame me.
