You know, my coach says I'm making progress, so I'll focus on that. In bed, I notice, she's sleeping much closer to me, like on my side. Almost cuddling. She's contacting me more and more throughout the day when I am out or she is out. She is defending me to the kids when they are disrespectful and has been a lot more appreciative, respectful as well. She's also been complimenting me a lot more and staring at me. Not angrily but like shes just noticed me. There are other things, but there are other things that get me agitated too. On a scale of 1-10 our "intimacy" is like a 2. That's big for me. I really find it tough to trust the good things, but then I also remember that she is not anything like she was to me during the time I know she was actively having a PA. That was horrible. The knowing but not knowing. Ya know?
In the meantime I try to keep working on me. I'm really proud of what I've done personally. I'm proud of the way I act at home and out of the home. I've reconnected with friends and I talk and smile wherever I go. I think my W gets jealous when other women smile back btw. I am very grateful that I feel so much better in my skin right now. I think my confidence comes through at home, at work, wherever. So no, no screaming today, but my car is ready if it's necessary.
