Hi sweetie! I'm happy to say I'm finally feeling better. It was a really long week.
I've been thinking about you a lot. Here are most of my thoughts:
You are the furthest thing from detached from your H. You are still firmly attached, which is normal when you love someone, but let's be honest here; your H is not being fair to you at all. He's firmly entrenched in a R with OW. He still acts overly friendly and familiar with you, because he knows you would take him back in a heartbeat.
Please ask yourself if you really deserve to be his back-up plan. You are his wife, the mother of his children...I'm sure he tells himself that he's being nice to you. O - he's not. He is putting you through the worst kind of stress and heartbreak! He's off in another world, busily pursuing a R with OW. You come in 2nd, if that. He planned a weekend trip with her. You'd asked and asked for something similar, but he never even attempted to do so for you. What does that tell you?
Since you are unable to detach, you're going to need to pretend for now. Pretend you will be fine without him. Pretend you can stand on your own, and eventually be able to find someone who can earn your respect. Yes, it's game playing, but O...you need to do this! Start by pretending, it will eventually become real.
Gather up his things, and have him pick them up. Don't call him, text him, or write any letters or e-mails. Only discuss the children with him...nothing more about you. If he asks, say you're fine and leave it at that.
Remove yourself as an option (pretend really hard.) Why would he ever change if he knows you're going to wait for him forever? You've told him enough about your feelings. He knows. Promise me, no more! You have to do this, O. I worry that you will collapse from the sheer emotional toll his behavior is taking on you. Gather what's left of your self respect and start mending it.
I know how hard this is. I also know you can do it. Start out pretending - it's the best way to start making changes. Cut off his emotional connection to you. Start viewing him as a business partner when it comes to the children. What else can you do at this point?
OW is a no-win situation, especially that one. What a loser! If that's what H thinks he needs, let him have at it. He deserves what is coming. Cut him loose, O, for you. Love yourself the way you deserve. Love your babies through this. Pretend you don't love him as an H anymore.
When you feel the need to talk with him, come here first, and let us talk you out of it. He needs to begin feeling the loss of you, or he will never change. Why would he? If he asks about you cutting him off emotionally, be vague. Tell him you've done a lot of thinking and realized you deserve way more than what exists at the moment. Stop there, and discuss nothing other than what pertains to the children. Expect a bad reaction, too. He is so used to cake-eating at this point, he will be upset about losing it. Stand firm, O. I know you can do this!
It was a really long week.
