Klassic, I am so sorry for the hurt you and your H are experiencing. The ones who are the "cheaters" are rare on the board, but you will still get a lot of support here. These folks are great! You can learn a lot from the other men who have been in the same boat as your H.

FWIW, I was a cheater, too. This board actually helped me get my head on straight and I stayed with my H. That was back in 2007. I hung around to hopefully help others. So, there is hope for you and your M.

You are very scared right now. Your H is extremely hurt. When men are betrayed, it hits their male ego harder than just about anything in life. Actually, your H is doing pretty close to what I try to get the LBH's here to see. If you were not scared of losing him, and he treated you like an entitled princess, I doubt you would be feeling what you are right now. It's the loss that gets our attention.

I encourage you to take care of your own mental and physical health. I am sure you will have plenty to tell us later. I don't think anyone here will judge you. We all learn from each other. Try not to be clingy and smother your H. He needs some space and time in his man cave to sort things out in his head/heart, without you pressuring him. If he asks questions, answer them as honestly as you can. Do not ever lie to him, b/c it will be the undoing of the string that's holding this M together.

Have you been in other affairs in the past? Did your current H know about the EA with your XH?

Was the classmate a one time thing? Are you still in contact with him?

Quote:
He says he can't stand the pain anymore and just does not feel safe with me.


Hummm....that almost sounds like an answer that would have been suggested from the board. confused Well, you never know. He may be around here looking for answers, too.

These may be difficult to questions to answer, but we need to know some history.

Are you staying in the home, presently? Is your H being nice to you? Has he ever been violent?

What emotional needs have you felt were not being met by your H? You turned to other men. Why? What was lacking in your MR?

Please post often. The more you post, the more replies you will likely receive. This will take more time than you ever thought. It's slow, painful, and worth the work.

((Klassic)) Work on yourself before you try to fix the MR.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!