It will be hard to go dark when living together. I would focus on GAL at this point.
Get busy. Get out of the house. Spend time with the kids but also make sure to have some adult time with friends. Go bowling, take a scuba lesson, skydive.
Do something different, it's good for your confidence and will push you out of your comfort zone. In addition, it just might intrigue your W.
Here is the dilemma i have been facing with GAL during the past 6 months. I am at work all day then i get home and want to spend time with the kids, and they want to spend time with me. I have always been the one cooking dinner for them. If not the w feeds them whatever is easy for her. that actually drives me nuts. Then homework baths and bedtime for them shortly there after. My S4 is very attached to me and likes me to get him to sleep. By doing this thought i am just enabling and helping my W. two days a week she teaches a kids dance class at 5pm, then she goes to the gym after and gets home around 730. byt this time the kids are taken care of and getting ready for bed in about 45 minor so. Meanwhile she comes home and eats while she stares at her phone then goes and takes care of herself to get ready for bed. It really doesnt bother me what she does anymore, but it just leaves no time for me and GAl. I really like the time with my kids and i know they do as well.
then other evenings she will go to the gym in the evening also. I guess i need to know my kids will be fine without me once or twice a week and do things for me. It is just hard knowing the split custody is right around the corner.
any thoughts?
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Your kids will be fine if you head out once or twice a week. It's good for them to see you balanced and happy.
Also, see if you can take a half day at work during the week and do something different. Something that will push you out of your comfort zone. Be adventurous!
Here is the dilemma i have been facing with GAL during the past 6 months. I am at work all day then i get home and want to spend time with the kids, and they want to spend time with me. I have always been the one cooking dinner for them. If not the w feeds them whatever is easy for her. that actually drives me nuts. Then homework baths and bedtime for them shortly there after. My S4 is very attached to me and likes me to get him to sleep. By doing this thought i am just enabling and helping my W. two days a week she teaches a kids dance class at 5pm, then she goes to the gym after and gets home around 730. byt this time the kids are taken care of and getting ready for bed in about 45 minor so. Meanwhile she comes home and eats while she stares at her phone then goes and takes care of herself to get ready for bed. It really doesnt bother me what she does anymore, but it just leaves no time for me and GAl. I really like the time with my kids and i know they do as well.
then other evenings she will go to the gym in the evening also. I guess i need to know my kids will be fine without me once or twice a week and do things for me. It is just hard knowing the split custody is right around the corner.
any thoughts?
she is definitely taking advantage of you. My D4 is very attached to me too and it's hard not coming home to her every night but I know GAL-ing is important for me and to the R of the M therefore important for D4 too. In my M I have typically been the one getting D4 ready for bed too. What I've had to do is tell WW several days in advance that I have plans Thursday and Saturday night. I've been taking at least one week day and one weekend day per week to GAL even if it is to not come home from work and just stop by a friends house to watch football. I don't tell WW what I'm doing only that I won't be home til later. Another thing our mediator suggested yesterday is that we start our parenting responsibility plan even when living in the same house. I will be responsible for D4 Sun/Mon/Tue WW responsible Wed/Thur/Fri and we alternate every other Saturday.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
i have started trying to change things recently as far as her taking advantage of me. I stopped leaving dinner out for her. I clean everything up and she can fend for herself. I know i just really need to bite the bullet and do things on days when i would normally just do everything with the kids. This is going to happen anyway when she moves out.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
so I need a little advice. W is taking the kids back to her hometown this weekend. She never invited me obviously. The kids have been telling me they want me to go and i have been dodging the question. This morning my D7 told me she asked W if was or could go. Wife told her i didnt want to go. I do not want my children thinking i dont want to go to things they are because it is untrue. This also could have been my daughter misunderstanding what W said. Either way i do not want W telling false statements to them about me.
Do i approach her on this? and how?
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
i am on the fence with if i say something in the next few hours before they go or not. The kids really want me to go but i dont think it will be helpful right now anyway, but i want to make sure she is not misrepresenting things the entire time they are away.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
But your W should not be telling them "you don't want to go". I feel this would make you look bad to the kids. I have often taken the lead on situations like this and told our D that it's not that I don't want to go with her but I have work I have to do and we'll do something fun when she returns. She's only 4 but understands that I have to work to do. I'm not sure if this is the best approach but it's better than saying "Daddy doesn't want to go or Mommy doesn't want Daddy to go."
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
definitely not going no matter what, I am just wondering if i say something to her now or wait until they are back. I want to get in front of this with the kids but also in general about the situation. I ma not sure how she is representing this to others as well. I will not be made out as a bad guy because she needs to reaffirm to herself that the separation needs to happen.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I'm still really new at this but....... I would say something prior but gently. Not accusing her of wrong doing but just to clarify. Maybe even with a clearing statement of " I would just like to clarify something......D7 said you told her I didn't want to go?" Whether she did or didn't you could follow it up with "I feel it's important we represent each other as great parents to her." Then I would make sure D7 knows I want to spend time with her, that I can't this weekend but we will after the weekend and I'll miss her very much.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
