Back on these forums again

[Mona52]

No luck with getting some down time last night. But tonight D15 is sleeping over a friend's house and D16 works until 10ish, so it will be me and the boy . I spent some money on points for one of his video games 2 days ago, so I may be able to talk him into turning his brain into mush for a couple hours so I can wind down a bit.

Last night I was able to release most of my anger. It really does no good. I am glad I held it like I did, because it helped me over the bridge and away from H, but if I use it any longer it will become destructive. No amount of anger will change H. So, I have 3 kids who all need care and I am spread too thin. It doesn't matter how I feel about it, that is just a fact. I need to turn to solutions that will solve that issue, and stop trying to think of H as the only solution, and then get mad when it does not work like I want it.

So I called my mom yesterday. We have a very strange relationship. She is my mother, and I love her to death, but I cannot be around her. She is like poison. My 2 sisters are total criminals. In and out of jail. They have kids that are total criminals. And if I am going to be honest, my mom had never been arrested, but she is also a total criminal.

I feel stealing is wrong, they rationalize how it is OK to steal, because the insurance company will replace the item or that person has too much stuff, etc... My mother enables my sister's activity and I can't be around that craziness. But the facts are, I have 3 kids and I need help. They love their grandma, and I completely trust my children. I know they can choose right from wrong. So I called my mom last night and told her about up coming events I need help with.

So, for the next 2 months, I have the major activities covered, and I feel so much better this morning. That is why I was able to release some of the anger. Now I just feel pity for H. But I dont waste too much time thinking about that.

I made some exciting plans with D15 last night and that is taking most of my mind, and my D16 and I drove to a house that was for sale yesterday to check it out. We started making plans on how we could all work together to save up and buy that house in 7 months. My S11 is going downhill fast in school work. So we got into a huge fight last night and this morning we had a heart to heart. I will need to work closely with him to get him back on track.

and today, when I walked into my work building, as I was riding the elevator up I was mentally listing the work I need to do today. I have more work today then I have had in months. Major projects I have to send to the state are due today. Major projects for my boss are due today. Major projects for my co-workers are due today. When I started to list them, I was scared and felt a tad hopeless. But by the time the elevator reached my floor, I had readjusted my attitude completely.

I was saying to myself what a great day this is going to be. I am about to complete more work in one day than I normally complete in a week. I will be on fire! a superstar! when I get everything done! what a great day this will be!

yes, i am fully aware how corny that sounds, but corny is better than hopeless in my book any day.