LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M

[gs9]

It is bait and I don't feel like I gave her any reassurance. I feel it's definitely making an impact. Do you think the examples I gave are crumbs of her moving in the right direction?

Sandi,
Once again, thank you so much for your incredible insight. I'll not get too excited about what I thought were crumbs of hope. I'll continue to be careful

Another example is when she brought up your A and threw it in your face. She was themp checking. She wanted you to assure her your feelings for her have not changed.

I'm happy I've continued to not reassure her.

What did you think about her admitting to her A and then quickly adding she was but isn't now?

I thought "that's the first time she's admitted it was an A. Maybe she's making progress. " She says that she has not had an A or cheated because our marriage ended last year when I was unfaithful.
I also believe she is still involved in an EA currently. I know she has spent the night with this OM about a month ago so it was a PA but I don't know that they have seen each other since. It really doesn't matter though. Whether it was a PA and now it's just an EA, it's still an A! I do not have any proof it's still going on but I don't have any that it stopped either.

I am not saying you need to cause her to think you are in an A or dating, etc. I am saying that it would be a plus if she realized she is setting you free. You will be single and can date. The WW who is not concerned about a woman replacing her in H's life, is a W too far gone.

This is good news. She is definitely concerned that I'm sleeping with or seeing someone else. That's why she's trying to check my phone, rummaging through my car and accusing me of sleeping with someone. Maybe it'll be enough to scare her straight.

My advice would be not to send a message to her, in an after attempt to validate. It comes across as pursuing.

I did not msg her.

I believe there is a time for validation, and a time for that person to be left with their own thoughts and feelings. You were willing to make amends, and she is angry and don't want to clean up her mess. She just wants to look at your mess!

She has never been one to clean up her mess. She does not and has not been a person who accepts personal responsibility for her mess or the things she does wrong. It's been very difficult being M to someone who rarely apologizes and never accepts personal responsibility.

If your W had a revenge affair, that's really bad. I think it would take some serious guidance for both of you to get the MR back on track again. For both of you to have cheated, causes double trouble, double pain, double trust issues, etc. At the moment, you seem willing to forgive her and heal the relationship. For her, she is so full of anger, jealousy, mistrust, resentment, and hurt.......it would be very difficult for her to lay it to rest, at the moment. May be a long time before she is can.

I don't know if it was a revenge A. Could be. There was 9 months between events.

Besides, how long has it been since her own A?

15 months ago. And would mine be considered an A? a single drunken night, everything above the belt, with an unknown woman.

Has she gone through withdrawals?

I'm not sure. What are the symptoms?

get individual therapy and then couples therapy, before you can even think about piecing.

I know there will have to be years of therapy and wouldn't even consider R with out it.

It is possible. Very possible, in fact. I just don't see it falling into place easily or quickly. It is going to take a long road of very hard work for both of you. I think it will be harder for her than you, to work through all of this stuff. I think it may take time apart. That is not always a bad thing. Just saying, if you S, it doesn't mean it's the end.

Nothing good ever comes easy