Six to Nine

[mahhhty]

Photoka - We can all do better, but only if we learn. My X at one point said to me, that she wished I hit her so that people could see how much pain she was in. Similarly, she believed I had an affair for 1.5 years and never said anything until after she asked for a D. I had no idea she felt those ways. I believe I did those things in the letter, whole heartedly. I also believe they are fairly common during the 7 year itch period of the marriage map, which is known for discounting your partner and placing blame. As you know it isn't how married couples deal with the good times, it is how they deal with the bad times.

V - I would love to know why you think she is not wayward. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Asitits - I've thought about your post for a long time. As an engineer, I took MWD's comment of "do what works" to heart. Letters or written correspondence has worked in the past. So that combined with a compassionate letter was my next "test."

GB - If I ever do send a letter, I will make sure it does have some call to action to it. I think that is a good point to attempt to "close" on something as a result of the letter.

She is a stubborn passive woman and she does hold grudges. In a way, I'm not sure I see this changing. We had an email exchange today, which all but solidified this and me not sending the letter. Time to put it back in the drawer.

I responded to one of her emails from a few days ago.
"24th will work. I’ve altered my schedule. And S3 is signed up for 8:30 AM on Nov 12."

Her response.
"I told you I couldn’t make the November 12th date? I would like to be there. There were other dates to pick from.'

My response.
"I didn’t remember your availability. But I do see value in getting S4 into [My Town] rather than another district, as he will be going to school there. Are you unable to alter your schedule?"

Her.
"As I wrote last week, I have an event that day and obviously cannot move it. I would like to be there, so let me know if you would like me to call and reschedule.

It is inappropriate of you to assume that they are attending [My Town]. That was not decided, please refer back to the parenting plan. If you would like to start having a conversation about this, then please let me know and can we can sit down to discuss."

Me.
"I’m sorry about the time of the appointment. The email was almost 2 weeks old. My attention span is not that long. That is my fault. I can set up the appointment for the 27th at the [Another School], what times will work for you? As you will have the kids.

I’m glad you brought this up. So far our coparenting style has been reactive. As such, D4 has missed out on the art classes and soccer this year. If we are going to do the best for our children, I think we need to step up, put our issues aside and put them first. I know we are doing our best independently, but I think we can do better for them. I’m not sure how we get there, and I believe it will take time. But I am ready and willing. "

I thought my last response was good. Kicking down the door, trying to put the kids first. Not casting blame on her but on us. But no response... Response time went from 10 min to not at all.

Furthermore, she won't be coming to pick up tomorrow AM per the parenting plan. This is the second time she has not complied with the plan, maybe third. She hangs on family to pick up the pieces of the mess she contributed to. I struggle with a person that hangs the parenting plan over my head, but doesn't follow it herself.

Like this wasn't enough. The Transplant Program Application came today. Talk about a lot to wrap my head around.