Re Thanksgiving. It was the kids who said to me they DO NOT want to even see him. So I was just going to have our own little dinner. But the kids still want to see their grandparents so I asked MIL if they would come. It was MIL who suggested inviting the rest of the family (his brother and family and his sisters family) She said she would NOT have it next day. Now I just got off phone with BIL and he is thinking he will invite his brother (H) for dinner on Sun. Either way H will not see his kids for thanksgiving
Gotcha! So you're stuck with the task of telling H the kids don't want to see him?
My advice, for what it's worth, is just letting him know it's all about his choices and behaviors that they're so upset with. Keep stressing that part. Don't let him make it about him as a person. That will feed into his self-pity. It will, either way, but if you focus on the fact that he decided to behave in this manner, it puts the blame firmly where it belongs without turning into an argument. I suspect he will try. Just validate and hang up if you need to.
Now H is guilting oldest S into meeting up to talk. He sent S24 a text saying that H was there for him when he went through a hard time and that is what S should,do for his father. My son read me the text and said he does not want to answer but that it did make him feel guilty
I am going to see a lawyer today. My family is pushing me to. I do need to ensure that H contributes his share towards bills and mortgage and food etc Which he hasn't But I don't want to set the ball in motion for D. I think H has been squeezing me ( by withholding $) so that I will. I know hw has been apartment hunting with OW. But there is no way he can afford this if he is responsible for all of our family costs (which he hasn't been)
Has anyone read good article on the effects of D and separation on young adult children??? If so please pass along. My H left thinking the kids were all "old enough" and that they would accept "get over it". Well 13 months later and 4 out of 5 of them are not talking to him - he has not addressed there emotional needs- he never talked to them about leaving he just left and he rarely saw them all year. Just holidays and birthdays. And now somehow (according to OW) I am "doing this"
Thanks Dday - that is it. Moving forward not moving on! I love my H very much I do hope he comes out of fog and can see clerly again. OW is reinforcing with H that they are doing "nothing wrong" by having A and its not his fault if i am "not moving on"
The best fog buster is full exposure. Also the quickest way to squash an affair. She's young and early in her career. An office affair could be dangerous to that career. She won't want to chance that and she'll scurry off to wreck another marriage somewhere else. Don't listen to his "I don't love you" talk. That's affair fog. He's under a spell of stupidity that can't even begin to be fixed until the affair is ended.
What is Facebook password? I use that account to keep up with what our kids are doing. You are intentionally putting up a wall between them and I.
Your kids are old enough to decide what they want to do about their relationship with their father. If there is a wall he built it himself brick by brick.
You should see that lawyer and your friends/family suggest. You should start the D proceedings. It doesn't mean you have to go through with it but it has a good chance of snapping him out of his fog of affair stupidity. This is divorce busting but as weird as it sounds, filing can be a great way to bust it. He's a cliche. You should be laughing at him. He needs a thunk upside the head to snap out of it. Getting served can provide such a thunk.
