XW's fog lifting, wants to work on fixing us

[gogofo]

What role has your XW family played in this?

Her family did not play any role in the reconciliation. They still cared about me and liked me, but they did not tell her what to do or not to do. They don't have that kind of relationship. During our attempt last year they would say a thing or two to her randomly in the beginning, but they soon quit. I think the only thing of significance they told her is her mom offered to tell her the things her and her dad had gone through. This was when we first separated, a year before the D. She declined to talk about it and they backed off.

How are your kids handling this?

The kids are handling this very well. They are so excited to be able to see mom and dad everyday and doing things together. During the D my oldest would cry for about 45 minutes to an hour when we would leave her house. Randomly throughout he would bring up that I just needed to tell mom that I loved her and then we could live together again.

Did you date anyone during this period?

I did not have any exclusive relationships with anyone. There were girls I was talking to and pursuing. I went on an official date and there were other girls I would see out and meet up with and spend the night with each other. I was not waiting around for her, I was moving forward. I am not someone that runs through half the girls when broke up, but I was actively out there.

Is there one particular thing that woke her up so to speak? Is it just the going dark or did something happen to her?

She said the one thing that woke her up is that her life did not change after the D. She assumed that she would be stress free and her life would be great and that I was dragging her down. Going dark was a big factor in this happening. With me gone and not being any part of her life, she had to take ownership of her life. She said she tried many things to "fix" her life and nothing was working.

After talking the first time about reconciliation I asked her if she wanted me. She responded about what she wanted in life. I said "me too" but the question was "do you want me"? She took a deep breath and started crying again and said yes, she wanted me.

Immediately she felt vulnerable and got defensive and wanted to leave. She followed up with "now you can tell me too late or laugh at me or whatever." She didn't expect me to be open to trying again. I laid down some things I wanted to see and needed her to do to prove to me that she was for real.

She has done those things and gone beyond about what I thought she would do. She has done a lot of leading in the reconciliation. I even pull back my effort a little every now and then to make sure we are both doing the work.