It is frustrating. So it has been at least 2 months, first coming back and forth and then completely residing at my mothers and taking the children with me. She feels some kind of way because currently my mother has not ask me to contribute understanding that I am working on paying my debt, so that I can move out and obtain my own place to which to spend the time with the kids. She throws this in my face constantly, how my mother is paying for X,Y, and Z. I am like that's not completely true as I do help out at home and buy the things the kids need and consume; but I shouldn't be penalize for having a support system that is willing to help me in such a bad time.
I just feel that she wants to cake eat, I understand that my children are at the house, but that's 50% of the time, so by the same token wouldn't that mean that she should pay for my utilities? She is feeling some kind of way because this week she is tight, and that's mostly because she hasn't been managing her money well. I would buy groceries, etc for the kids during this time if need be of course.
I don't want to be rude to her, so have tried to make it more about being fair to everyone involved, but the truth is that she decided this, she chose to not be in the relationship, asked me to move out to my mother's home, she stated that she would take over the bills, mortgage, and maintenance. Now that things are tight, and is sinking in that she might not be able to afford the life she has been leading till now, she wants to guilt me into feeling like I am not doing enough.
Sorry, did I mentioned that I am a bit angry at her and this situation. I have not express this to her, working through my emotions.
Thank you for your time
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
with all the back and forth, I decided to call her and see what she needed from me. It escalated because she was accusing me of cheating her, and of not spending 50% of the time with my kids. This both stung, I unfortunately default to defending myself by stating "I am not staying in the apartment, and I am covering the food, clothes, and other expenses when I have the children. I told her to put a financial proposal together and get it to me, that we will discuss. I am not trying to be unfair or cheat her. I don't know, if I am handling this situation correctly...
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
I think you need to calm down when you speak to her, you know you are not cheating her, you are no longer living in the apartment.
Don't let her guilt trip you.
She chose this not you, you are simply letting her be, giving her space to be the independent woman she wanted to be.
Take a few deep breaths before speaking with her and stand firm by your words. I wouldn't of have asked for the financial proposal but you did so let it be.
You are simply detaching and letting her feel the pressure now.
Don't overthink it my friend. This may in fact turn itself around, keep praying. Set boundaries.
You just reminded me about detaching. This is the exact essence of detaching....
Allowing the person to make their decisions and also deal with the consequences of said decisions...
I truly appreciate you being here for me brother. This is enlightening to me, your take on it. I really need to be so quick to respond and learn to take my time and think this through....
I appreciate it so much brother...
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
I feel better this morning, still a bit concern and bothered by how my wife is trying to turn this whole financial thing into me being a deadbeat, trying to take advantage of her, or just being malicious.
This morning she texts me with how she feels I should pay the difference for the babysitter, and how I seem to be doing things lately to get back at her, start a war or the gloves have come off... This completely surprises me, because ever since that huge argument in which she cut me off completely, I have been keeping my distance, given her her space and when speaking with her I have been cordial, civil, and friendly.
She has begun throwing things in my face, saying I have excess money, I have been buying suits, vacations, watches, clothes for the kids, etc; while not giving her more money. I calmly explained that this all took place during a period of time, all on my credit cards, as a means to make myself feel better in a horrible situation. These things weren't purchased overnight. I know I shouldn't be explaining but I really don't know how to handle this situation as I don't want it to escalate further.
Sorry that was my journaling... I have been doing much better today, and will head to the gym later to continue my training, it always helps to release some of this energy.
Here is my PMA for the day
Quote of the day:
"Do not let yesterday’s events spoil today’s moments. There is so much goodness around you. So many things that can nourish your mind, body, and soul. Allow yourself the nourishing fuel that today has to offer. Nourish your life with empowering ingredients. Make peace with the hurtful past. Stop letting it be part of the recipe for your daily life and let the past be what it is; an expired moment in time."
- Maraboli, Steve. Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
I really was looking forward on taking up ur idea of making my garage into an arcade room but after the D papers I don't think I will be making any drastic changes to the house until this whole thing settles.
Have a great day and weekend brother, you have changed so much in just a few weeks, keep it up!
