I don't know if I should read Divorce Remedy or Divorce Busting because I really don't want to reconcile with her after what WW has done before and after WW left.
I think DR is a great read regardless of whether you are interested in reconciling. In the end, the steps outlined in the book are relevant either way. Regardless of whether your situation eventually results in reconciliation, you will learn how to heal and how to succeed in future relationships.
If I may ask, if you are already against reconciling, why did you post here? What support are you looking for?
I am looking for support with dealing with this loss/trauma. This has hit me pretty hard. I feel lost and hopeless. I am trying to remain strong but it's hard
By the way Cadet, where was the threat where you told me to go? I cannot find it. Thanks
Sandi's thread is pinned to the top of the forum.
Read DR and all of the homework including all links.
Edit Some of those links will take you to more links, dont leave anything out, IMHO.
Plus I like the fisherman analogy, you need to learn how to fish, not beg someone to give you the fish. Then you will never go hungry. Same goes for relationship advice.
As you are only beginning to realise, you are on a voyage of discovery that you didn't ask to be part of and may grow to see what in some small way a blessing, as it will illuminate a path towards self improvement and awareness.
You are probably experiencing every possible emotions, separately and at the same time, plus a degree of disorientation. Some of this will be due to the recent events in your life and some because of lack of sleep, how much are you actually getting? The timing of your posts suggest it is sporadic bouts at best...
Your temptation will be to think that your situation (sitch) is different to everyone else's, the good news and sadly it's not. There will be a handful, at least who will have experienced or are experiencing what you are right now.
The reason Cadet posts so many different links in his initial post on your thread is to give you some reading material to help you to come to terms with your sitch and enable you to piece together what you actually want and where you want to head. Take the time to read each one of the threads and become familiar with them as they will often be referred to by every one here as they are worth their weight in gold.
You seem to have a pretty solid idea at present of where things are heading, this may well change, or not, either way Divorce Busting (DB'ing) is there to help those who are left behind by their spouse (LBS) to rebuild themselves and make themselves better people in life and in their next relationship (R).
As you are doing already, keep on posting everything you feel as it will, in part, enable you to understand what has happened and why; one thing is for certain, there is no magic pill, it won't happen overnight, time is an important (if not the most important) component.
If you stick around, you'll make some great friendships and get insight that would not be possible without the anonymous nature of this forum.
I am looking forward to reading more about your sitch and, hopefully, along with the others, helping you to get to where you want to be.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I am looking for support with dealing with this loss/trauma. This has hit me pretty hard. I feel lost and hopeless. I am trying to remain strong but it's hard
In my opinion, now is not the time to be making grand proclamations about your willingness for reconciliation. In fact, I wouldnt worry about it at all. Why you are in this highly turbulent emotional state, you may make decisions or take actions or say things that you will ultimately come to regret.
My advice is to first focus on stabilizing and healing you. The basic steps, as I understand it are: 1) Review the person you are and decide on the person you want to become 2) Become that person 3) Begin to consider your next relationship - whether with your wife or someone else.
Honestly, the hows and the whys arent nearly as important as the WHATs, As in, WHAT are you going to do now?
