Ghost Busting Working on me Part 2

[ATPeace]

Ok Please stay with me on this I feel this is VERY IMPORTANT and I have to get this off my chest ....

i love all my children all very much but over the years without question I have been closer to my eldest son ....I believe this was because when I was a child I did not get the love I wanted from my father he was always closer to my sister and I built resentment towards her .....when I was growing up my father did so little for me and did not give me the love that I wanted and desired, perhaps because of this I wanted to make sure that I was close to my son.

Because of the amount of time that I spent with my son doing his activities my wife would spend more time with my daughter doing hers...she loved her horses and I bought my daughter a horse when she was 13 ....so just as I was close to my son my wife became very close to our daughter .....This has led to my eldest daughter having resentment towards my eldest son and towards me she has said that I love him more than her.

I thought that it was just siblings fighting and to a degree it probably was but it was probably spurned on by my daughters upset and the fact she felt unloved by me.

Three years ago things were bad between my W and I and we nearly broke up my children were fighting a lot my W and I were arguing things were bad I spoke to my two eldest children and said that we all have to try to make mummy happy we all had get along with each other pull together to keep our family together.

My eldest daughter recently told me in a heated argument that I had blamed her and said that I had told her it was her fault that mummy and daddy had nearly split up. I know I did not say anythng of the kind but this is what she firmly believes I had said and because of this she she built up even more resentment towards me.

About a year later My daughter went through a stage of cutting herself only very lightly ..a lot of her friends were also doing this and I thought at the time this was because she was also being bullied at school or following on with her friends but I now accept that this was in part because of how she was feeling towards me and I know she blames me .

Since my w and I separating my eldest daughter who is now nearly 17 has started to show more and more disrespect towards to me I knew that me were not close but I feel her seeing mummy leaving me as her awaking to be able to let out her anger and upset....and this has been not just to me by being rude and disrespectful to me but also to my son with her attitude towards him.

So I have a W that wants to leave me possibly in part from the above and I have a daughter who is upset and will probably want very little towards me.

Over the years I have been there for my children and I have been there for my W I have provided for them by working hard but I did not give enough of 'MY time to them ..my W has pointed out to me that she feels I did do enough for my son but I did not do enough for my other children or for her.

So when I thought the marriage broke down because of my lack of doing the house work and being there for my W of an evening showing her my love I believe now it had more to do with the above.

I do not know how I can make any of this any better I try to spend time with my daughter but she feels anger and resentment to me and she wants little to do with me ...I do not feel the answer is to buy her love give her what she wants ...I would do this but I do not think it will bring her closer to me.

One of the reasons that I want to keep us all together in the house is to try to make things better with my W and I realise this is going to be extremely difficult to do and I now also realise that I have a very sad and upset daughter that I also would love to build a relationship with but I do not know if this will be possible either.

To write this has taken me nearly 1 1/2 hrs trying to put this into some order

I tried to be a good dad and husband but I have got things wrong and I do not know how to make things any better

Ghost