Quote: I often wonder if I miss H or the "idea" of him... when I sit and really think about the months preceding the bomb, they were not very happy ones!
So many people on this BB echo this, Sun!
But what gets me is that I was really happy when the bomb dropped. Probably the happiest I'd ever been in my life. All the pieces seemed to be falling into the places we'd talked about wanting them to fall.
I'm not suggesting our M was perfect--obviously there is no such thing and ours had some issues.
But well, looking back, life seemed mostly pretty grand and I felt pretty lucky, all told.
I knew something was up with H... he was telling me it was work, his new long commute and the financial responsibilities we'd taken on. And I really believed that. H has always had some depression, but he seemed to handle it in his way.
So I guess that is what's been really hard for me. I never felt that unhappiness, only felt that we were more often letting busy life get in the way and needed to refocus on one another.
But mostly, when I sit and think about it, I'm just even more completely amazed that we are here right now. Because there is no good reason for it, really.
