You know what to do...c'mon J! GAL, stop thinking about her, and make yourself happy. Set some goals, do them, and pat yourself on the back. This situation is beyond awful....make sure you get something good out of it.
Still no movement. Getting close to 90 days of her not in house, not one mention of the R at all. Today was first contact in 12 days, she sent email saying she was coming by to get some more clothes.
Sleep is getting better. Good in fact. Getting a bit indifferent.
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
Hello, jjal! Just checking on you. I hope everything is ok?
-Judy
Hi Judy, Everything seems to be going well for me, GAL you know. Not sure about wife. We've had a few short emails, mostly about bank/bills. But nothing about the relationship.
The door is still open, but after 90 days of detachment now, I've had some realizations. She started checking out late last year. I remember certain statements she'd made, and some things she'd done. Even then, still we had talks of future, vacations and remodeling bathrooms. Then, this spring a one week business trip with a new divorced female co-worker moved it along. New running group about the same time didn't help either.
So, I've stayed away from the website for a few days mainly to get it all off my mind. And, anyway, went out with friends the last 2 Friday nights and while I wasn't looking for someone else, I discovered I still had it and being single might not be so scary. I chatted with a few women and had a good time.
Quite day today at home. Cleaned and cooked meals for the next 2-3 days.
I see your situation has changed, glad to see that. I hope y'all can work through it all!!!
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
Just got up with your sitch. Our situations are pretty similar minus the 10 yr or so age difference and you actually have contact once in a while! For me, I feel way better when there is no contact. Contact at the moment can never meet my expectations.
It does feel good when you discover you still have it doesn't it ;-).
Just checking in. Detaching and GAL has been a lifesaver.
My in-laws were told in early August, they reached out to me a few weeks back with a handwritten card. I texted them a few times and I could tell they were against what their daughter was doing. She also told them life was too short to not do the things you want to do in life. Anyway, I met with them yesterday for 3 hours. Good long talk. Her Mother is angry and upset, her Dad the same and kept saying she needed a boot up her tail.
I told them it was a mid-life crisis and all of the symptoms. They agreed that it was and remembered a neighbor going through the same thing. I feel so much better after the visit. Then I told the 1st person in my family, my younger brother (43). His wife is my age, 46, and confided in me that his wife had just come out of her MLC. She didn't leave or do anything destructive, mostly depressed and miserable for 2-3 years and talked about being a failure and other stuff like that. Anyway, still have to tell my Mother and my Sister, but was actually really easy talking to my brother.
After all of this, I'm in a good place. Head on straight and clear(ish). I'm ready for the next step. I'm ready to be in charge and call the shots. And I believe it might be time for a gentle nudge to the W...because you know, LIFE IS TOO SHORT!
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
I sent a card to her last Thursday. Probably not advisable, but it just said I was thinking about her. Simple, one line. So far, no response from the card, but checking the mail is an adult responsibility and one thing she cannot be expected to do. I'm not really expecting one, just wanted her to know.
My Mother now knows, keeping it from her for 100 days was tough. She texted her with a plea to go home and talk and got no response, and they've always had a good relationship. She's not talking to her own mother either.
Decided to back off the GAL night life activities and get a grip on the house and yard work that had been neglected since July. Weeding all the flower beds, washing the cars, and getting the yard ready for winter/Halloween.
Since BD happened, I drank pretty much every day. Not to extremes, a few times lately, but mostly 3-4 drinks every night. That got old. And was hurting this mid 40's body. So, last Tuesday, I quit for the foreseeable future. I've had lots of great sleep and a clear head, although I am experiencing the hurt all over again, this time without the booze. And I'm slowly getting back to the hobbies I loved, not entirely, but enough.
So, yeah, doing good. Not sure about my future. The wife's emails are few and far between these days, and when she does, it's quite cold. She dropped by yesterday unannounced during her lunch break to get some kitchen items and I had to set a boundary, and asked her to give me advance notice before she stops by.
People are telling me to push the issue, force her to make a decision. I am not sure I am ready for a decision, but I know the longer she stays away, the harder it will be to reconcile. Absence really hasn't made the heart fonder.
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
