Back on these forums again

[Mona52]

Thanks Rick! Thanks mutatio!

Tried an experiment with H yesterday to see if I could communicate with him and not get angry with him. I sent him very pleasant text messages about his children. He began by responding nice, and excited about the news I was giving him. But very quickly he turned the subject around to how badly HIS life sucked. Every time we talk, he ignores what is being said and blabs on and on about what he needs and how bad life is for him.

So my anger came with a vengeance. He is living rent free at my mother's, he has zero responsibility for ANYTHING. He is not taking care of his children financially, physically or emotionally. He complains he had to make a 'sacrifice' because he got a full time job.

His biggest complaints now are that he is all alone.

$#@%^*&^... is he freaking kidding me??? He wont even take 2 seconds out of his busy day playing online video games with his cyber friends to text his children, the only people in the world who have been there for him, and he has the nerve to complain that he is all alone? He left me to sleep in a big empty bed night after night for years, and HE is all alone?


He complained because his credit is so bad that they turned him down for an apartment. He can't be serious. His credit is terrible because he never paid his bills! In the past he would just apply in my name. I cant count the number of credit cards he got in my name over the years... He can no longer do that.
Not only that, he picked an apartment that was WAY out of his price range. He says he will not move into the city again, but there is no way he can afford the suburbs. He is in dreamworld.

Every morning I wake up and run around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to get the kids everything they need. He wont help me. In any way. He wont even call them. I am exhausted.

I applied for child support on Aug 16th. It is Oct 7th and I still have not seen any help. I asked for increases on my lines of credit and have maxed them all out.

I cannot live like this anymore. Constant fear and anger. I cannot be with my H. He is too selfish and pathetic. I am completely done with my M. I am walking away feeling I had done everything in the world I could do.

So I am going to stay here and talk to you all and discuss goals for my life and my family, but that is all.

So... the theme this year for homecoming dance is Alice in Wonderland. My D16 is going as the white witch and she has her entire outfit ready. She initially ordered a dress from China, for a dance that is 9 days away. I told her there was no way it would ship in time, so she is upset. We went out last night and bought her a second dress, but she really does not like it.

My D15 was asked by a boy she really likes and she is going to dress up as the mad hatter. She got her dress last night but could not find a top hat anywhere. Luckily, today I found 2 top hats for her. One is huge and velvet, kinda like a gag top hat. The other is a regular black top hat. I can pick them up on the 12th if i remember... for the dance on the 16th.

Sorry, but I have to complain here. These dresses were impossible. I had to take them to 100 stores, and we had to drop off and pick up their friends with each trip. This was while I was getting S11 everything he needed for other things. If H would have just helped the tiniest bit... Run the S11 to the stores he needed to go to.... less than 4 blocks from my mom's house... It would have made a huge difference. I was out until past 11 last night, ending the night shopping for what the dog and cat needed...

Monday I fell into bed late too because I was running around all night. And tonight looks just as bad...S11 gets out of soccer the same time D gets off work. D works 2 blocks away from my mom's house. But I cannot be at 2 places at once. So she will need to sit there until i am done getting S. Third night in a row dinner is after 9:00PM...

Lost some more weight, which is great. I got a new haircut and today it laid perfectly. I have been walking around with an extra bounce because of it. I have had less luck studying my school work or working on getting a few customers. But I have been very busy. I will shoot for next week to make some progress there. I have to be a mom first.

Oops, I mean, i GET to be a mom first.