Time to let go.....How? (2)

[sandi2]

So how do I go about this right now while we are still under the same roof? Then when she moves how do act then? I do have moments when I feel ok about the separation then other times I feel I am going to collapse. I know the actions I take need to be for me but I am having a hard time doing that currently. When I do I feel good and can tell she is agitated with me doing things for myself. Or she is just thinking more of the usual.

I covered some of that in the first thread of Help for Newcomer LBH's with a WW.

Packing her stuff, etc., has been an action some guys have taken. However, I remember one man who took his W's things out of the MBR and placed in the spare room. She immediately put her things back into the MBR. They got into it and I think she ended by calling the cops and giving them a trumped up charge. So, if you aren't strong enough to handle the fallout, don't attempt it.

If you are looking for a certain reaction, don't attempt it. If you think this will open her eyes, don't attempt it (b/c it won't open her eyes, it will just make her mad). Those are not the reasons for doing something along those lines.

If you've had it and don't want her stuff in your house, and if she can't legally turn around and do something to charge you, then fine. If you are ready to S, then fine. But have all your ducks in order before you try to make such a bold move. If she can legally put her things back into your house, what would be the point? You have to know it will stick. At least, IMHO. B/c the WW will challenge you, and if she backs you into a corner and you can't do anything.....that makes it worse. See what I mean?

I've heard, and probably have even suggested myself, about men packing their W's belongings and put in the garage or storage. Some claim to have even sit it out for the trash truck. I think that could be cutting off your nose to spite you face, IDK. I might consider it, especially if she's gone and spending time with OM and refusing to end her A. However, if there's a chance you would relent and allow her to bulldoze her way back in, then I think it's best just not to bother packing her things. You have to be strong.

Same with setting boundaries. If she won't honor a boundary, and if there is no consequence attached.....what good is the boundary?

So how do I go about this right now while we are still under the same roof? Then when she moves how do act then? I do have moments when I feel ok about the separation then other times I feel I am going to collapse. I know the actions I take need to be for me but I am having a hard time doing that currently. When I do I feel good and can tell she is agitated with me doing things for myself. Or she is just thinking more of the usual.

First you have to mentally and emotionally detach. If you can't detach, everything else will be mostly in vain. Please read the link on detaching.

If she is saying you are in-house S, then start acting as though you are S from her. Stop acting as though you are still M to her. (I don't mean you have to date, just stop acting like her H). Stop treating her as though she's still your loving W. Don't even treat her like she's your friend, b/c she's not. In-house S is terrible, b/c you don't know what the ground rules are. She's going to make them up as she goes. And, yes it makes her agitated when she sees you doing things for yourself. It is part of her selfish, irrational, and entitlement type of mindset.