Cadet sent you links. One of those links explains detaching and how it works. How about reading it?
I have read them. Admittedly, as you said - I was scared. I have since tried to step back and view things differently. As in I just focus on myself and the kids, and that's it. I am also working on myself - I just got the book "Codependent No More." I know I have control issues (passive) and need to learn to care for myself.
As far as my GAL activities, I have been going to the gym a lot more and have restarted my old hobbies that somehow disappeared since the BD. I try to get out and do things, but at times that is very hard. Honestly, I would rather stay and do something with my kids than be away from them. I don't care if it is playing tea party for the 100th time that day. In reality, I pick them up after work and usually they are in bed 3 hours or so afterwards, so I prefer to spend as much time with them as I can, especially on the weekends.
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How is it viewed? It is what it is. No, it's not necessarily a trial run for D. No, it doesn't validate the WAS's feelings. Yes, sometimes it helps....if they are living in two separate houses. I have not seen successful in-house separation.
Unfortunately, in-house separation is all we can do now at least for the next couple of months until she transfers to her new base. So, what I have been doing is this: no texting (when I get the urge to text, I write what I would have said in a journal - may make a nice gift if we reconcile); no physical contact - esp no backrubs!; no phone calls unless necessary; no talk of us or the future; etc. More or less working on our friendship - she said in one of our counseling sessions that I don't know her...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
