Working through it

[EMMess]

Good morning family,

I am in a new place today. I am angry at her, I am angry at our situation, hurt and angry by the actions she has taken, the things she has said, how she has decided to pursuit her "freedom". I feel abandoned, rejected, discarded, betrayed.

I am working so hard at accepting my circumstances, what led me here, what I did to contribute to all of this. Accept what she has decided, how she has decided to entertain flirtatious conversation with other men, how she has decided to not reach out to me, involve me in her life, walk away from our M.

I want to make the best out of this situation, turn it upside down, learn acceptance, forgiveness, love without conditions, regain my self-esteem, confidence, worth, love, care, acceptance. I have so much to offer, and yes I am flawed, yes I made my mistakes, but I am not my mistakes or my flaws. I am so conflicted, I want to love her from a distance, but yet I feel this anger towards her right now. I am working towards accepting and feeling my emotions but not allowing them to control me. I sometimes want to call her and tell her how much of a hypocrite she is being, how mean and hurtful she is being, how she has no regards for me or my feelings. Uggghhh, sorry to be venting through this.

New development*

Need your assistance with this, as I am being given a few guilt trips.

My w is currently finding herself in a financial strain. I am no longer staying at our apartment (I know this is a no no, but my mental health was more important to me); I have our sons 50% of the time, when they stay with me I buy the groceries, diapers, wipes, etc. My wife makes as much as I do, and has them half the time, she also travels more than I do (currently once a month for 2-5 days). I am contributing to our mutual expenses (daycare, after-school, 529).

She calls me saying that she feels I should be paying for electricity, gas, cable in our apartment, also food for the kids (but I buy the food when they are with me)

I feel bad, I hate that we are here. I am not sure if I am doing her wrong. I want to help but when I see that all she does is go out, eat out, spending her money, but when its tight wants to tell me that I am not contributing enough.

I would appreciate any words of wisdom I can receive.

Thank You